Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

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In every generation, Youth always have had
heroes
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, and they wanted to imitate their
heroes
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. These days the
heroes
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are called celebrities.
the
Capitalize word
The
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celebrities' conduct plays a crucial role in young's life. They influence
people
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incredibly, especially teens. Because of
this
Linking Words
, some crowd believe that their performance must be limited. Particularly
on
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in
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advertising the unhealthy product. From my point of view,
although
Linking Words
young society can be influenced easily by them, it is unfair to ask them to change their lifestyle or
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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make decisions on their behalf.
Firstly
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,
star
Fix the agreement mistake
stars
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make
public
Correct article usage
the public
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happy, and
people
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have fun when following their news. They show
people
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the luxurious lives that
people
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like to have, so they help
people
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release their tension and allow
people
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to get rid of bad news.
besides
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, teenagers need to find their identification so when they copy their
heroes
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their self-confidence increases and self-confidence allows them to find themself healthy.
for example
Linking Words
, when teenagers dress up like their popular celebrity other
people
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give them positive attention and
to be
Verb problem
apply
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accepted
Wrong verb form
accept
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by
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apply
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their group of friends
so
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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helps them find themself valuable
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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plays an important key
to
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in
show examples
the teen's identity.
secondly
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, it is the parents' responsibility to teach their children some
skill
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skills such
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as
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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and critical thinking about
others
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others'
other's
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behaviour. if they would believe in their ability and knowledge about their power in their life they wouldn't need to be controlled by society or others. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
celebrities must be aware of their role in society, it is not reasonable to ask them to change their lifestyle. but we can train our teenagers
about taking
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to take
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responsibility for their life
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
.
Submitted by azadehzabihi8 on

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coherence cohesion
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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsement
  • influence
  • lifestyle
  • consciousness
  • social responsibility
  • regulation
  • liberty
  • supply and demand
  • unintended consequences
  • critical thinking
  • brand image
  • nutrition
  • public figure
  • health advocacy
  • restrictions
  • moderation
  • consumer behavior
  • market forces
  • ethical advertising
  • personal brand
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