IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Is money or job satisfaction more important to consider when choosing a career?

#money #job #satisfaction #career
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It is very toughest
situation
Use synonyms
 choosing
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 during career start
such
Linking Words
 are remuneration, work
satisfaction
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 etc. Some
people
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 believe that
employment
Replace the word
employee
show examples
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 is more important whilst others prefer high paid jobs. I strongly argue that
pay
Correct article usage
the pay
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 scale is important. Discussion on family expenditures, cost of health and
education
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, and
post retirement
Add a hyphen
post-retirement
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situation
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 will show
this
Linking Words
.
To begin
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, it is difficult to provide at least basic needs for
family
Add an article
the family
a family
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such
Linking Words
 as food, transport, utility bills, medical expenses, and kids’
education
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 without
money
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. Nowadays kids’
education
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 becomes very expensive due to
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 salaries demanded by highly qualified teachers.
Therefore
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, many families are not able to access
to
Change preposition
apply
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reputed schools, some are selling their properties to provide good
education
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 to their wards.
In addition
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 to that, it is needless to say about the
situation
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 of sudden medical emergencies, which requires
lot
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a lot
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 of
money
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 to pay hospital bills. On top of that, some families want to buy
new
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a new
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house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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, and few want to lead luxury life in spite of their financial conditions due to peer pressure.
Thus
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,
this
Linking Words
 makes it clear that work
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 can not help to overcome these issues
Moreover
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, leading life after retirement is
also
Linking Words
 one of the major concerns.
Hence
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people
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 are trying to earn
money
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 without giving preference to
employment
Replace the word
employee
show examples
satisfaction
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 as it gives temporary relief whereas financial burdens impact
people
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 health and mental stability.
Therefore
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families are not ready to face
such
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 issues.
In addition
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 to that, It is very difficult to earn after reaching
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 age, so, one should earn and save
money
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 when they were young to use it at old age. In many countries, there is no financial support for old age
people
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 from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 unlike the
situation
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 in rich counties. As explained these problems can not
be avoid
Change the verb form
be avoided
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 by choosing
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
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 In summary, I am not denying the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 but when compared to hardships due to financial problems, it is
very
Add an article
a very
the very
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 negligible thing. We can overcome those issues caused by
unsatisfaction
Correct article usage
the unsatisfaction
show examples
 of
job
Use synonyms
 by doing yoga, meditation and going
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 vacation with family and friends.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is clear why
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 can not make us happy in real life
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 more pay. As
this
Linking Words
 essay has shown, more pay will make us feel comfortable by supporting our financial needs than
employment
Replace the word
employee
show examples
satisfaction
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by raghavasem on

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Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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