IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Without a
doubt
Add a comma
,doubt
show examples
 there are vast differences between well-to-do families and families who struggle day
to day
Correct your spelling
today
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is especially apparent in
children
Use synonyms
’s development which
manifest
Change the verb form
manifests
show examples
 in their adulthood.
For those
Change preposition
Those
show examples
 who grew up in a comfortable home environment,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have more opportunities to develop their skills and confidence and can benefit from their parent’s extensive network.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not always the case as
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 is not the only important factor;
attitude
Use synonyms
 places
a part
Correct your spelling
apart
show examples
 as well. Wealthy
parents
Use synonyms
 are able to send their
children
Use synonyms
 to enrichment
classes
Use synonyms
 that boost their skills and confidence. Enrichment
classes
Use synonyms
 are not necessary
however
Linking Words
 the positive impacts of
such
Linking Words
classes
Use synonyms
 drive
parents
Use synonyms
 to splurge on them. These positive impacts include excellent speaking ability, high levels of confidence and increased intellect.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 who go for expensive and well-known speech and drama
classes
Use synonyms
 regularly tend to achieve self-assurance and determination. Another
example
Use synonyms
 is when
parents
Use synonyms
 send
children
Use synonyms
 for additional tuition
classes
Use synonyms
 that
raises
Change the verb form
raise
show examples
 their academic capability. When these
children
Use synonyms
 perform well academically, their certificates put them steps ahead of their peers.
Hence
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 in wealthy families have lower chances of battling challenges in their adulthood. Wealthy
parents
Use synonyms
 can use their influence and connections to their advantage by increasing their child’s prospects in their working
life
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 of these
parents
Use synonyms
 are given better working opportunities for reasons
such
Linking Words
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal favour or business deals.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, influential friends of wealthy
parents
Use synonyms
 may favour their
children
Use synonyms
 over other equally qualified candidates.
This
Linking Words
 happens when
parents
Use synonyms
 communicate their intentions for their child to be given the opportunity and their request is obliged out of personal relations.
This
Linking Words
 shows how
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 network breaks down barriers that
children
Use synonyms
 face when they are entering the working world as adults,
therefore
Linking Words
 reaffirming the idea that wealth and connections have great benefits for
children
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 money and wealth can prove to be
Use synonyms
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
show examples
,
attitude
Use synonyms
 is equally, if not more, important.
Children
Use synonyms
 born with a silver spoon have been presented with opportunities and platforms that
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to get them to where they are throughout their entire
life
Use synonyms
. Hard work and
attitude
Use synonyms
 draws the line between success and failure. One
example
Use synonyms
 to
potray
Correct your spelling
portray
this
Linking Words
 situation is Warner in the movie legally blonde. He was built with a false sense of security as his family has always been successful and influential
poleticians
Correct your spelling
politicians
 and yet he barely scrape through law school because he was not as hardworking and neither does he have the right
attitude
Use synonyms
 to succeed as a senator.
This
Linking Words
 is a classic yet comical
example
Use synonyms
 that silver platters are not everything.
Therefore
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 need much more than enrichment
classes
Use synonyms
 and
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 to overcome challenges when they are older. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 it is true that money does make the world go round, the defining and differentiating factor will still be the
attitude
Use synonyms
 that one has towards
life
Use synonyms
 and the obstacles that
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 face.
Submitted by yanizainal5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: