You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter Give details of your study plans Explain why you want to get a part-time job Suggest how your friend could help you find a job

#country #study #job #friend #lives #help #plans

Dear Maria, I hope you are in a good health as soon as you got

this

letter. I am writing to you to share that I got in the East High University where you are studying as well. I am

also

asking if you can help me to find a part-time job while I am studying.

To begin

with,

last

week I received a letter that I passed in East High University. They want me to report as soon as can to fix everything regarding my papers

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since I am accepted in their special program in management course. It is a two-year course, and

usually

Add a comma

,usually

show examples

I am free

Change preposition

show examples

weekends,

thus

I can use that to work. I checked online the nearest

accomodation

Correct your spelling

accommodation

I can get and sad to say I can't afford because it is too expensive, the food I think I can still manage since I know how to cook and by preparing meals it will save the cost. I have my savings,

however

Add the comma(s)

,however

show examples

it will not be covered

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

for the

two years, so I need a part-time to cover my expenses. I thought about you, when we had

conversation

Add an article

a conversation

show examples

last

time

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if you can suggest if there are openings that I can apply to or any jobs available in the restaurant your working

, it

Change preposition

in, it

show examples

will be a big help for me. If

its

Replace the word

it's

it is

show examples

also

possible if you can enquire for me as soon as possible so I can send any requirements they needed. I will be waiting for your response. Thank you for considering. Regards, Julianne

Submitted by ding on Mon Oct 18 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

Educational aspirations
Work experience
Financial independence
Resume (or CV)
Local job market
International student
Legal requirements
Student work permit
Employment trends
Time management
Networking
A part-time position
Balance studies and work
Job hunting strategies

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.
Nowadays,an increasing rate of life expectancy is occuring in many countries around the world. Some individuals believe that this phenomenon has several issues for the goverment. Meanwhile others consider them as a valuable part of the society. In this essay,both views are going to be discussed,however I am concerned that its merits outweigh the demerits.
4.5
band
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?
There are some people suggest that music is an another way to connect people in different backgrounds and ages together. To my point of view, I completely agree with this statement.
4
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
With increasing number of residents and the introduction of publicly available resources like internet people are more curious and more eager to find the heritage and history behind thier residental area.
6.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
There are many debates about whether ageing citizen has a negative impact on a country's administration. In my point of view, the benefits of this situation overwhelm the drawbacks. This is because it will create more work opportunities and more types of equipment will be more innovative.
6
band
Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animal which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree ?
Have you ever thought that our lives would be in danger if we did not try to save animals' lives? undoubtedly, animals are important as humans, so they should have the right to live not to die Unfortunately, some people believe humans should just preserve animals that they need. In my opinion, is not fair to let them die, because we think they are not gainful.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animal which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree ?