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Band 5

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
Now a days
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Nowadays
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, Entertainers are being funded with
huge
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a huge
the huge
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of money and I totally agree with it and there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some other
profession
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professions
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 too where high funds should be paid. The Entertainers whether it be Film Stars, Musicians or Players everyone plays a vital role in terms of entertaining us. They play a vital role in influencing
life
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the life
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 of our
country
 youth.
For
Example
Add a comma
,Example
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 Nawajuddin Siddiqui who
belong
Wrong verb form
belonged
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 to
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 poor family wanted to become
actor
Correct article usage
an actor
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inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of his dark complexion and now
lot
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a lot
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 of young youth who want to become actors and have a dark
color
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colour
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 can easily get motivated and work hard to pursue
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 dream. Another example is Virat Kohli whose health, Hard Work, Determination and Discipline can be a motivation for lots of People.
However
, there
are
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is
show examples
other profession
Change the wording
another profession
other professions
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also
 which should be paid high wages. Army and Teachers is one of the
Job
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Jobs
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 which should be paid
high
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a high
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 salary as they contribute the most to
this
country
 among all the people of the
Country
. We see Soldiers martyred for our
country
 as they keep
country
Correct article usage
the country
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at
Change preposition
in
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first
Add an article
the first
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 place.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
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 goes with the teachers as they
plays
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play
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 a vital role in
Developing
Correct your spelling
developing
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 the career of the youth which will contribute
for
Change preposition
to
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 the betterment of the
country
 in future. So, At
last
Add a comma
,last
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 I want to conclude my essay by saying that it is good that very high amount of wages have been given to Entertainers but we should look for the profession like Army and Teachers who too contribute too much for Society and
also
 help Securing the Future of the
country
.
Submitted by anash.suhail on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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