IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
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Now a days
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Nowadays
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, Entertainers are being funded with
huge
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a huge
the huge
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amount
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amounts
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 of money and I totally agree with it and there
are
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is
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 some other
profession
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professions
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 too where high funds should be paid. The Entertainers whether it be Film Stars, Musicians or Players everyone plays a vital role in terms of entertaining us. They play a vital role in influencing
life
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the life
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 of our
country
Use synonyms
 youth.
For
Linking Words
Example
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,Example
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 Nawajuddin Siddiqui who
belong
Wrong verb form
belonged
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 to
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 poor family wanted to become
actor
Correct article usage
an actor
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inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of his dark complexion and now
lot
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a lot
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 of young youth who want to become actors and have a dark
color
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colour
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 can easily get motivated and work hard to pursue
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 dream. Another example is Virat Kohli whose health, Hard Work, Determination and Discipline can be a motivation for lots of People.
However
Linking Words
, there
are
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is
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other profession
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another profession
other professions
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also
Linking Words
 which should be paid high wages. Army and Teachers is one of the
Job
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Jobs
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 which should be paid
high
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a high
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 salary as they contribute the most to
this
Linking Words
country
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 among all the people of the
Country
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. We see Soldiers martyred for our
country
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 as they keep
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country
Correct article usage
the country
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at
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in
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Linking Words
first
Add an article
the first
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 place.
Same
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The same
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 goes with the teachers as they
plays
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play
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 a vital role in
Developing
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developing
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 the career of the youth which will contribute
for
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to
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 the betterment of the
country
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 in future. So, At
Linking Words
last
Add a comma
,last
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 I want to conclude my essay by saying that it is good that very high amount of wages have been given to Entertainers but we should look for the profession like Army and Teachers who too contribute too much for Society and
also
Linking Words
 help Securing the Future of the
country
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by anash.suhail on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Revenue generation
  • Supply and demand
  • Influence on culture
  • Trendsetters
  • Income disparity
  • Essential workers
  • Critical role
  • Public health
  • Endorsements
  • Economies
  • Compensation
  • Significant contribution
  • Technological advancements
  • Global challenges
What to do next:
Look at other essays: