IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in some countries it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
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It is true that
age
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 is sometimes included as important
criteria
Fix the agreement mistake
criterion
show examples
 for determining selected candidates for
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Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in
companies
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.
However
Linking Words
, it is considered
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 illegal
job
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 requirement procedure in several nations. In my
opininon
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is a negative development which can bring downsides for both
company
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 and the labours themselves.
One
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 serious problem
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 arise from prohibiting the
companies
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 to refuse their
job
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's applicants due to their
age
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 is it can lead to serious
company
Use synonyms
 loss. It is because some
job
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's positions require adequate experiences which commonly owned by those
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 productive
age
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 (30-35 years old).
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 when it is restricted to take
age
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 into account for selecting new employees, the
companies
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wil
Correct your spelling
will
 be dominated by unqualified
staffs
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staff
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
companies
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 will be
adversed
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advertised
adverse
 as they should pay several
amount
Change to a plural noun
amounts
show examples
 of dollars for
those employee
Change the determiner
that employee
those employees
show examples
 do not
posess
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possess
 neither skill nor
ability
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the ability
show examples
 to favour the
companies
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' outcomes.
In addition
Linking Words
,
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 and safety of labours are the main priorities
over all
Correct your spelling
overall
show examples
companies
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therefore
Linking Words
 the
age
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 should be
one
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 factor to be considered
otherwise
Linking Words
 it will damage the labour's health and safety. To
Wrong verb form
illustrate
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illustrates
Add a comma
,illustrates
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 mechanical occupations like petroleum engineers is
one
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 of
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Correct article usage
the job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 that physically demanding
thus
Linking Words
 the applicants who apply for
this
Linking Words
job
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 should have a vigorous body and
healthy
Add a missing verb
be healthy
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 sort of
job
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 is not suitable for those in elderly
age
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 as
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
they will not strong enough for doing
this
Linking Words
job
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. On
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 conditions, I believe the
age
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 should be legal to be
one
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 factor in reviewing
job
Use synonyms
's applicants. To conclude, several states consider that involving
age
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into
Change preposition
as
show examples
prerequisite
Add an article
the prerequisite
show examples
 of
job
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's selection is
illegal
Add an article
an illegal
show examples
 procedure.
However
Linking Words
, it confines the
company
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 to recruit potential
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 based on their need.
In addition
Linking Words
,
employees's
Remove the s
employees'
show examples
 safety and health are the primary priorities of every
company
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
 I strongly believe that the aforementioned view is a negative development.
Submitted by jassbasati3115 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: