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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#workplaces #numbers #men #women #workers #development
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Given current circumstances throughout the world, more and more employers prefer to hire
same
Change the article
a same
the same
show examples
 number of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 as an employee. There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that
this
 is progressive evolution.
To begin
 with, it is immediately apparent that hiring
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
 number of both sexes will help in reducing
gender based
Add a hyphen
gender-based
show examples
 discrimination.
This
 will
also
 reduce sexual harassment at workplaces as it brings
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of safety among workers. To illustrate
this
, my company had
ratio
Add an article
a ratio
show examples
 of 20:80 for female and male
worked
Replace the word
workers
show examples
. During that time, female workers were abused a lot by dominated male staff and they were fewer opportunities for them as well.
However
,
this
 is not the case right now as
organization
Add an article
an organization
the organization
show examples
 has increased
this
 ratio by 1:1. Perhaps most importantly, it is abundantly clear that
this
 practise will give an equal chance and opportunity to every human being regardless their gender.
Moreover
 as there will more people available to carry out same work with more efficiency
thus
 product prices will become more reasonable. Apart from
this
, it will
also
 give employer chance to hire best resource for ongoing opening. In my personal experience, I have noticed that Subway prices are reduced and they are tastier now since when local food store has hired more female workers. The state of affairs relating to
this
 phenomenon in my country, Australia, is not great deal different from the experiences of nations throughout the world. When all is said and done, I pen down saying that the trend of hiring an equal number of male and female is definitely positive development because it will help to build much stronger society and community by providing more opportunities to the right candidate for right job.
Submitted by jassbasati3115 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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