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Band 4.5

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration
In today's world
money
 is seen as an
isdispensable
Correct your spelling
indispensable
 part of our
lives
.
People
 have a tendency to choose their
job
 if it offers
adequate
Add an article
an adequate
show examples
 amount of
money
.
However
, after doing these works they are
mostl
Correct your spelling
most
mostly
 aware
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that,
this
 field is not their domain. I reckon that to choose a
job
 our priorities shouldn'
t
 be limited by
money
.
First
 and foremost, after the invention of
money
 humankind has put a lot of means
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 it,
this
 situation
has
Add the particle
tohas
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 us to think
money
 has a vital role in our
lives
. Due to the shortage of
money
humanbeing
Correct your spelling
human being
 put themselves in a dire state and to get rid of these circumstances, they try to find new ways to gain
money
,
such
 as finding a new
job
, working
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 at the same time. Especially at earlier ages, young generations are mesmerised by
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
. Young ones are more enthusiastic
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 life, even though their dreams are so extreme they don'
t
 mind it since they are more optimistic in comparison to older ages.
On the other hand
, dreams are
also
 connected with their opportunities. If one
lives
 in
underdeveloped
Correct article usage
an underdeveloped
show examples
 country her
/
his
money
 need is different from any person who
lives
 in
developed
Add an article
a developed
show examples
 country. In order to survive and keep her
/
his family alive one gives up her
/
his own dreams and takes any
job
 to gain
money
. A
further
 reason for why
money
 has
such
 power in work areas is because the more
money
 you earn the more you see respect from the environment.
Such
 opinions do a great number of harm to us, when a person starts to evaluate career options regardless of the
job
's content he
/
she picks out the works which increase her
/
his income rapidly. The majority of
people
 don'
t
 work in the
job
 area they wanted once since during their adolescence period they were taken in by the power of
money
. Quite the contrary,
money
 shouldn'
t
 pose a human's priority, it should be a vehicle for their goals
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 a purpose. In light of the facts recounted above, the strength of
money
 is a force to be reckoned with, it is seen as a superiority idom ,
therefore
, most
people
 choose their
job
 only by looking the salary. To me,
this
 scale will lead plenty of problematic
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 in the long term as most of them won'
t
 be happy
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
job
.
Instead
 of suffering in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 whole life
people
 can work whatever
job
 they want by leaving out
money
 from their priorities
Submitted by meliike.bekcii on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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