IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or collage lecturer.

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or collage lecturer.
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The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the average amount of worked time in eight different professions
while
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 depicts the rates of
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stress levels. All in all, it is obvious that businessmen and movie producers work more by far
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other groups
while
Linking Words
 the
worked
Replace the word
working
show examples
 times of chefs and
lecturers
Use synonyms
 are
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
Linking Words
 place.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prevalence of stress-related illness is more common in
lecturers
Use synonyms
 and lawyers and it is so rare for writers. Regarding the bar
chart
Use synonyms
, a businessman works generally 70
hours
Use synonyms
 per week and movie producers
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 ten
hours
Use synonyms
 less than them. The figures for doctors and writers amounted to nearly 50 and 45
hours
Use synonyms
, relatively. The average number of programmers is 40
hours
Use synonyms
 and the
last
Linking Words
 two groups, chefs and
Use synonyms
lecturers
Change noun form
lecturers'
lecturer's
show examples
 working
hours
Use synonyms
 are close, at around 30
hours
Use synonyms
. As for the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, the
lecturers
Use synonyms
 are the most suffering group from stress and accounted for 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and subsequent groups movie producers and doctors made up 26
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, collectively. The rates of chefs and
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
show examples
 are close
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
 other at around 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and slightly less than one in ten people who is a writer suffering from stress. The figure for programmers constituted only 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, lecturers, hours, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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