IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Despite vast improvements in the position of
women
 in society over the past half a century, we are still some way from achieving gender equality.
Women
 who were around in the 1960s or 70s are surely struck by the significant improvements in the lives of
women
 in the twenty-
first
 century.
However
, they must
also
 find familiar evidence of major inequalities.
Women
 in the West have made great headway in the fields of education and employment over the past 50 years.
Women
 often out-achieve men educationally
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and are entering occupations and professions that would once have been out of bounds. They often attain high positions within organisations and in some countries have even risen to the top of political power. Successful female entrepreneurs often appear in the media, perhaps leading some to conclude that
women
 are now competing on a level playing field.
However
, if we look more carefully we soon see that significant problems still exist.
Women
 suffer inequalities in employment and have yet to achieve pay
that is
 equal to that of men doing similar work.
In addition
,
women
 are generally still responsible for
child rearing
Add a hyphen
child-rearing
show examples
 and housework, creating a 'double burden' for those who work full time.
Moreover
, despite the success of some
women
 in gaining positions of influence, these are the exception rather than the rule, and
women
 are still outnumbered in positions of power.
Finally
, the dominant view of
women
 in the media is not one of
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
 or public
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 but of 's-x object', a situation that has barely changed over the past 50 years.
Consequently
, despite some very real gains. I feel that
women
 of the previous century must see much that they recognise when observing the position of
women
 in society today. (290 words)
Submitted by hananyasinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
What to do next:
Look at other essays: