IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

We should introduce laws to make businesses and state services employ equal numbers of male and female workers in every department or area of the company. How far do you support this idea?

#laws #businesses #services #numbers #workers #department #area #company #support #idea
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There is a long debate about setting rules for reinforcing
gender
Change the capitalization
Gender
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 Stereotypes . I uphold the view that segregation should be criticized and I will explain why in
this
 essay.
First
 and most important is men and women should have access to the same professional opportunities on recruitment for many careers. Because that business is not specialized for a pointed gender. Take management subject ,
for instance
, In the university, both boys and girls can study in
this
 field in the same conditions and educational content. If they trained well, They will have a chance to become an expert manager in the future.
Furthermore
, employees should be employed according to their abilities, qualification and experiments in their previous jobs.
Moreover
, findings and researches confirm that selecting single-sex job searchers leads to a lost chance of finding the best ones.
This
 means that probably she/he was on the other line and we ignore whom
as a result
 of segregation policies. nowadays a range of occupations is available to both sexes.
Finally
, not only sex is not a vital factor in careers success, but
also
 it depends on Individual merits and the level of intelligence. I'm not considered
this
 to be a valid excuse for allocating carriers to men or women.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
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some mentioned occupations should employ men others do not depend on the gender of employees.
In addition
, experts who had updated information came to the conclusion that rules in
this
 area should be changed and renewed for business continuity. To conclude, I feel that setting rules for absorbing people for a number of occupations because of their sex is not acceptable. It is recommended by experts for entrepreneurs to make updated policies in the employment process
Submitted by farzad420 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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