IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #mind #leisure #time #colleagues #life #work
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Although
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 some
people
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 like to spend their free
time
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 with their workmates,others keep their personal
life
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 away from
work
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life
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.In my opinion,there should be a gap between
once
Correct your spelling
one
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 personal and professional
life
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. On the
one
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 hand,some
people
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 consider it
as
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apply
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a good idea to spend their leisure
time
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 in the workplace or with their colleagues. They may not have other friends in their personal
life
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 and they enjoy spending
time
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 in the professional atmosphere.It will be helpful to improve the relationship between the co-workers and that will be helpful for the job.
For example
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,if there is good rapport and understanding between the group members,the result of their team world will be great.
Furthermore
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, by doing spare-
time
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 activities with colleagues,even in the
time
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 when away from
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work
Correct article usage
the work
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 environment
one
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 can be in touch with the working atmosphere and it helps to return back to the job easily after the break from
work
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.
On the other hand
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,free
time
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 ought to be spent away from the workplace for many and I agree.There should be a barrier between private
life
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 and
work
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-
life
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due
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to
Change preposition
for
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 some reasons.
Firstly
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, a person is spending around 5 days
in
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apply
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a week in a stressful working environment so, get relaxation from that to ventilate the tension .For
this
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, a place away from
work
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 and
people
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 without professional relationships
are
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is
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 better.
Moreover
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, if a person
full
Correct word choice
apply
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stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
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 away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
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 for a vacation,it will help him refresh and get energy fast and
one
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 can go back to
work
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 full of energy.
In addition
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, I believe that professional and private
life
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 should be different because jobs can be changed frequently
consequently
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people
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 surrounding
also
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 will be changed but having a strong personal
life
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 and relationship is a must for a productive
life
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.
To conclude
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,it is often thought by some that personal and professional
life
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 should always have a boundary and others are in the opposite view. I personally believe that
one
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 should keep all
work
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-related affairs in the workplace and there should not be any relation between the own individual private
life
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 with
work
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life
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.
Submitted by nicymathew91 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and task achievement. The logical structure and organization of ideas need improvement. The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more developed. The main points are supported adequately, but the development is lacking. The response addresses the task and presents relevant examples, but the ideas need to be more clearly expressed and developed.
task response
The essay demonstrates a basic level of task achievement and coherence. While it addresses the prompt and presents relevant examples, the ideas are not expressed clearly and lack development. The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more developed. The main points are supported adequately, but the development is lacking. Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence, cohesion, and task achievement and would benefit from clearer organization and more developed ideas.
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