IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience?

Employees are
basic
Correct article usage
a basic
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piller
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pillar
 for any
organisation
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. Many
people
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 believe that
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 ought to replace its experienced but old workers with youngsters who have less experience. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion as young
people
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 have more energy and grasping power than old
people
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 and they can
also
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 come with innovative ideas which will be
helpfull
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helpful
 for
industry
Add an article
the industry
show examples
 in future.
To begin
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 with, young
people
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 have
stamina
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the stamina
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 to
work
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 hard for any employer as they have good health and
willness
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wellness
willingness
 to
work
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 more and to gain more
experiece
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experience
 in their early life. Nowadays many young
people
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 are doing great
work
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 at their workplace for
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of their
organisation
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. Young
people
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 know if they cannot
work
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 hard or does not take initiative to improve their
work
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than
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then
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 they will
replaced
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be replaced
replace
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.
That is
Linking Words
 why young
people
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 try to
work
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at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their best possible way to make
benifits
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benefits
 to their
organisation
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. To cite an example, according to one article published in The India Today,
Company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 which have more young
employee
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employees
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 have 98% more chance to grow more than other companies.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young
people
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 can learn new technology easily as they already leant it in
thier
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their
academic
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academics
show examples
. So they can easily
work
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 by using newly created gismos. Young
peolple
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people
 have
graet
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great
 curiosity to learn new technology and use it to make their day to day
work
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 easy and automatic. To exemplify, In
google
Add a comma
,google
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 some young employee
craeted
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created
automation
Correct article usage
an automation
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 tool which automatically
differenciate
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differentiate
 the mail according to their priority tag so that the
work
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become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 very easy for
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organisation
Add an article
the organisation
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. In a
nut shell
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nutshell
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, it is evident that to have young generation at
workpalce
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workplace
 have enormous benefits
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to old and experienced
people
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 as they can do much innovation
work
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. It is recommended that industry have some
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
experience
peolple
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people
 for
tough
Add an article
a tough
show examples
 time.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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