Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents

The role of the family in

children

’s growth becomes more and more essential nowadays. Some people argue that

children

from poor

parents

are better equipped in solving the challenges in adult

life

rather than those in richer

families

. From my point of view, I strongly agree with

this

statement, I will elaborate my opinion in the following paragraphs.

To begin

with, adversity from relatively poor

families

enables

children

to possess the capacity of achieving their dream regardless

difficulties

Change preposition

of difficulties

show examples

in their adult

life

For example

, Jason Ma, the founder of Alibaba, a

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

show examples

enterprise in China, is actually from a middle-class family. Living in a moderate-income background, he has learned how to deal with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

tricky problem and how to overcome

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

tough situation

Change preposition

show examples

an early age. In another word, he has known that nothing successful comes from

free

Add a missing verb

being free

show examples

since he was a little boy. Motivated by

this

acknowledgment

Change the spelling

acknowledgement

show examples

, teenagers from middle-income

families

will work hard all the way through and most of the time, they are more likely to confront the challenges in

life

and

therefore

live an envious successful

life

when they grow up. All of

such

applausive

experience

Fix the agreement mistake

experiences

show examples

are contributed to their hardship

life

in childhood.

Conversely

, those who are overprotected by their affluent

parents

could largely lack the capacity to be independent and to address issues.

Firstly

, just imagine living in a wealthy family,

parents

will give comprehensive support to their

children

, which means kids may not realise or worry about money-related issues, and even their lives will be easier without any blocks as their

parents

will help them to flee from difficulties to the maximum.

Therefore

, these

children

will have trouble in decision-making in later

life

. More seriously, without help from their

parents

, they would be unable to meet the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

demands in employment, education or even their own marriage.

Consequently

, compared to

children

from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

poor, rich family kids are harder to solve problems correctly. In conclusion, contributing to all of the mentioned spoiled situations that kids from rich

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

may experience, I purely believe that

children

in poor

families

will be more prepared to solve problems in the future

life

Submitted by Esther on Fri Nov 26 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

358 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays longer distances are travelled by people to work and study on a daily basis. Some considered it to be a negative development. While others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some feel that it is impossible for a country to be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

Some people think it's better to choose friends who always have the same opinion as them. Other people believe it's good to have friends who sometimes disagree with them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.