IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
In the past fifty years,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 is given more opportunities
towards
Change preposition
for
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 different kinds of jobs while
gender
equality
 is still a tough task for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 to accomplish. I totally agree that
women
 play a much more important role in the division of
labor
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labour
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 in
society
 than that in the past and total
equality
 between
men
 and
women
 cannot be realized nowadays. On the one hand,
women
 are achieving more educationally and taking part more in the
labor
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labour
show examples
 force than ever before. In recent years, there is not
such
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been such
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 a significant difference between the number of female students and male students. When
women
 have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to be educated in a university or college, they could be qualified in the workplace in
different
Add an article
a different
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field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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.
Therefore
, Human resource managers of many companies tend to take the abilities of candidates more into account but not the
gender
. There are more
women
 working as government officials in many countries around the world and
for instance
, in 2014, Angela Merkel was the
first
 female prime minister in Germany.
However
, it has been an existing problem of inequality of
gender
 since the beginning of
the
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apply
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humanity. Because of the biological difference between
women
 and
men
, division of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 in
the
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apply
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society
result
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results
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 in
the
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apply
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inequality between them. Even though
women
 can be treated in many positions as
men
 in
the
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apply
show examples
society
, it is no doubt that there are some jobs which more suitable for
men
 than
women
.
For example
,
men
 are good at logical thinking and they would rather choose to study engineering science and natural science in the universities. In the contrast,
women
 are skilled in emotional thinking and they like to research
on
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apply
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the problems in
the
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apply
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society
.
Thus
,
although
 the inequality between different
gender
 could be gradually cut down, it is hard to realize the total
equality
 of
gender
 for
the
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apply
show examples
society
. To conclude, I strongly believe that
the
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apply
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gender
equality
 will be continuously improved in the future and
an
Remove the article
apply
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absolute
equality
 is the goal of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 but it is
also
 a tough task to make it come true.
Submitted by weifenghe1993 on

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