Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children's development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children #development #computer #games

It is true that some people consider for

children

's improvement it is more

suitible

Correct your spelling

suitable

to engage outdoor

activities

than playing

computer

games

while I claim that playing

computer

games

have some positive consequences, I

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that for

children

doing outdoor

activities

is more beneficial. There are several benefits of involving

children

into

Change preposition

show examples

outdoor

activities

First

of all,

activities

as swimming, drawing and playing

the

Correct article usage

show examples

certain sport have a good

impack

Correct your spelling

impact

for

Change preposition

show examples

children

's health and

mind

As a result

children

will have lear

mind

and

healthy

Correct article usage

a healthy

show examples

organizm

Correct your spelling

organism

Secondly

, with the help of creative

activities

as dancing and drawing the right hemisphere of

brain

Add an article

the brain

show examples

which

controll

Correct your spelling

control

controls

the

creativity

Replace the word

creative

show examples

mind

children

will improve and become widely.

Thirdly

, the certain aspects of sport in which

children

were involved will become a whole life and career of a child in the future.

Therefore

, It is quite

nesasary

Correct your spelling

necessary

for

children

to engage

outdoor

Change preposition

in outdoor

show examples

activities

The

Correct article usage

Computer

show examples

computer

games

also

have

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

effect

for

Change preposition

show examples

children

development. When

children

plays

Change the verb form

play

show examples

computer

games

, he or she

improve

Change the verb form

improves

show examples

their concentration and reflection skills, which can be beneficial for

futher

Correct your spelling

further

their

life.

Furthermore

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

develop

children

's thinking and decision making abilities, which is

also

important

However

, despite all

this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

facts, playing computers

games

have few negative consequences for

children

mind

. The

games

which

includes

Change the verb form

include

show examples

war and action motive can damage the

physology

Correct your spelling

psychology

physiology

children

. To sum up,

Although

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

there are some benefits of playing

computers

Change preposition

on computers

show examples

, I reckon that outdoor

activities

have

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

effect

for

Change preposition

show examples

Correct your spelling

children's

children

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

development.

Submitted by ronadeclaro on Sun Dec 05 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

245 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children's development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Computer and A.I. technology are increasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

Last Wednesday you flew from London to Vancouver. When you arrived home, you discovered that you had left your hand luggage on the plane.

Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and will use up the world’s resources. Do you agree or disagree?

Recent research has shown that business meetings and training are increasingly taking place online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph. What do you think?.