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Band 3

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children's development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children #development #computer #games
It is true that some people consider for
children
's improvement it is more
suitible
Correct your spelling
suitable
 to engage outdoor
activities
 than playing
computer
games
 while I claim that playing
computer
games
 have some positive consequences, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that for
children
 doing outdoor
activities
 is more beneficial. There are several benefits of involving
children
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 outdoor
activities
.
First
 of all,
activities
 as swimming, drawing and playing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain sport have a good
impack
Correct your spelling
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
's health and
mind
.
As a result
,
children
 will have lear
mind
 and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
organizm
Correct your spelling
organism
.
Secondly
, with the help of creative
activities
 as dancing and drawing the right hemisphere of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 which
controll
Correct your spelling
control
controls
 the
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
mind
 of
children
 will improve and become widely.
Thirdly
, the certain aspects of sport in which
children
 were involved will become a whole life and career of a child in the future.
Therefore
, It is quite
nesasary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for
children
 to engage
outdoor
Change preposition
in outdoor
show examples
activities
.
The
Correct article usage
Computer
show examples
computer
games
also
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
 development. When
children
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
computer
games
, he or she
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 their concentration and reflection skills, which can be beneficial for
futher
Correct your spelling
further
their
 life.
Furthermore
,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 develop
children
's thinking and decision making abilities, which is
also
 important
However
, despite all
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 facts, playing computers
games
 have few negative consequences for
children
's
mind
. The
games
 which
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
 war and action motive can damage the
physology
Correct your spelling
psychology
physiology
 of
children
. To sum up,
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are some benefits of playing
computers
Change preposition
on computers
show examples
, I reckon that outdoor
activities
 have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct your spelling
children's
children
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 development.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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