IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children's development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children #development #computer #games
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It is true that some people consider for
children
Use synonyms
's improvement it is more
suitible
Correct your spelling
suitable
 to engage outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 than playing
computer
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games
Use synonyms
 while I claim that playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have some positive consequences, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that for
children
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 doing outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial. There are several benefits of involving
children
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
 of all,
activities
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 as swimming, drawing and playing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain sport have a good
impack
Correct your spelling
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's health and
mind
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
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 will have lear
mind
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 and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
organizm
Correct your spelling
organism
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, with the help of creative
activities
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 as dancing and drawing the right hemisphere of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 which
controll
Correct your spelling
control
controls
 the
creativity
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creative
show examples
mind
Use synonyms
 of
children
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 will improve and become widely.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the certain aspects of sport in which
children
Use synonyms
 were involved will become a whole life and career of a child in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, It is quite
nesasary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for
children
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 to engage
outdoor
Change preposition
in outdoor
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
.
The
Correct article usage
Computer
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 development. When
children
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plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, he or she
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 their concentration and reflection skills, which can be beneficial for
futher
Correct your spelling
further
their
 life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 develop
children
Use synonyms
's thinking and decision making abilities, which is
also
Linking Words
 important
However
Linking Words
, despite all
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 facts, playing computers
games
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 have few negative consequences for
children
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's
mind
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. The
games
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 which
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
 war and action motive can damage the
physology
Correct your spelling
psychology
physiology
 of
children
Use synonyms
. To sum up,
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are some benefits of playing
computers
Change preposition
on computers
show examples
, I reckon that outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct your spelling
children's
children
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 development.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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