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Band 6.5

Big salary is much important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
One of the most considering factors
while
Add the comma(s)
, while people apply a job advertisment,
show examples
people
 apply
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
job
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
 is how much
money
 employers pay. The vast majority of
people
 believe that they will be happier if they have a large amount of income.
Thus
, in turn, they overlook the working
conditions
 as it is trivial. I completely disagree with
this
 opinion and think that job satisfaction is much more important than
money
.
Firstly
, I would like to point out that the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of time
people
 spent at their workplaces accounted for a large percentage of their lives.
People
 are influenced readily by their environment and appalling work
conditions
 lead to serious problems inevitably. A number of factors should be taken into account apart from salary and
people
 should try to find out a job that they can work under humanitarian
conditions
. To illustrate, if an employee with a high salary works in a place full of hazardous chemicals, it is highly possible that they will have to purchase a large amount of their
money
 for medical treatment. A
further
 reason why I am against the argument is that
people
 cannot maintain a happy life by working at a place where they are not happy. Psychological
conditions
 should be
also
 an integral part while
people
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 their workplace. I believe that scarce of good colleagues or working completely alone cause noteworthy mental disease and
money
 do not have any therapeutic effects on
people
's psychology.
For example
, if a person is bullied by the bosses or other workers, there is no worth of the
money
 they gain as
money
 cannot cover the damage of the lifelong sorrow.
Accordingly
, research indicated that the number of suicide incidents accounted for a large percentage of the mortality rates. In conclusion, while most
people
 are of the opinion that they can maintain a marvellous life by focusing at the gain more
money
.
However
, it should be kept in mind that occupation is an integral part of an individual's life. I suggest that
people
 should consider the influencing factors
instead
 of salary.
Submitted by meliike.bekcii on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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