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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security
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in
reccent
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recent
 decades,
people
Use synonyms
 are working harder than before and spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 on earning
money
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.some individuals believe that
job
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 satisfaction is a significant element in each work.
however
Linking Words
 ,some commentators argue that having a permanent
job
Use synonyms
 is more important than
job
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satisfactoin
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
.there is a
rang
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range
show examples
 of reasons on both sides which I will explain here. on the one hand,
people
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 spend most of their
time
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 on their
job
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 nowadays. contentment of
job
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 plays a significant role in their lives.
therefore
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 , they take their responsibility in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 way.
for example
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, if
doctores
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doctors
 love what
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 doing ,they can take care
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of patient
show examples
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 in
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 way.
in addition
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,
people
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 s real potential and creativity are found by
job
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 satisfaction.
in
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apply
show examples
 most of the
time
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 ,
enterprnures
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enterprises
 are arrival after they discover their potential and have been brought up by a new idea.all of the successful
people
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such
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 as ilan musk ,Edison,mike
zakerberg
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Zuckerberg
,love what
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 doing so they make
a
Change the article
an
show examples
anormous
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enormous
 change in the world .
Artituctures
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Architectures
 can be
anothert
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another
 example.
thay
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they
 can manifest their souls and build
a great mansions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a great mansion
great mansions
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 which we can see in ancient
dynastier
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dynasties
 like china and japan.
on the other hand
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,
firstly
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,
money
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 become a controversial
topice
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topic
 among communities nowadays.they are worried about their expenditures and try to
preper
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prepare
 a comfortable life for their family.
for example
Linking Words
 ,in some countries
such
Linking Words
 as Iran or China , men are a breadwinner in societies so,
job
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 security
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
 more important than
job
Use synonyms
 contentment.even they force to get two or three
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job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 at the same
time
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 for earning
money
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.
in addition
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 old
people
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 believe that any strange
circumpstanses
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circumstances
 might be
occured
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occurred
 suddenly,
such
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 as
variouse
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various
 types of disease or car accident which can
parelize
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paralyze
people
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 .
therefore
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, they can earn
money
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 in that way easily.
to
Change preposition
In
show examples
conclusion
Add an article
a conclusion
the conclusion
show examples
,communities are more involved with jobs than before,from my point of view,
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction can cause a
pepoles
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peoples
people
 better function and impact on
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
.while
job
Use synonyms
 security has
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its
show examples
it s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 own importance too which could not be neglected.
Submitted by maherfateme on

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