The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
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The pie charts illustrate the proportions of 3 nutrients (
sodium
, saturated fat, and added
sugar
) eaten in 4 different meals in the USA, which may cause detrimental effects on health if overconsumed,
Overall
, it is noticeable that
sodium
and saturated fat are consumed most at
dinner
, followed by
lunch
. Meanwhile, added
sugar
dominates in
snacks
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
accounting for around one-fifth of the remaining meals. Looking first of all at
sodium
, 43 % of
sodium
is consumed by eating
dinner
,
while
approximately one-
third
of
sodium
contains in
lunch
. Breakfast and
snacks
contribute to 14% equally. Turning to saturated fat, the pattern is quite similar to
sodium
. 37% and 26% of saturated
contains
Replace the word
content
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in
dinner
and
lunch
respectively, followed closely by
snacks
and breakfast, which contribute to approximately one-fifth each. Compared with the other nutrient, added
sugar
has a relatively low consumption at
dinner
. It is
snacks
that are the greatest source of
sugar
intake, at 42%.
However
, like other nutrients, it is consumed
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
15-20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in breakfast and
lunch
.
Submitted by Rain on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, dinner, lunch, snacks with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
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