IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
It is often argued that high wages are the main focus rather than
career
 satisfaction at the workplace. I totally disagree with
this
 opinion because I think working with something you have a passion for is more important than money.
First
 of all, I believe that job satisfaction is more important than big money because it helps
people
 achieve higher productivity, which will help them grow in their careers in the future. In fact,
people
 tend to be maintained in the same job for years when their
career
 is what they are passionate about and feel motivated to get their
work
 done on time, due to
this
 they can end up with higher income after a few years.
Therefore
,
career
 growth may seem to have more benefits than a large salary at the start.
Secondly
, some
people
 may force themselves to do a job that does not satisfy them at all, their mind or heart might be against any
career
 activity. Even if the salary is higher than the minimum wage
people
 still tend to be less motivated in their
career
 path.
Moreover
, if
people
 do not enjoy their
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
,
this
 may lead to their
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance which is an important factor.
For instance
, the rates of stress and depression for employees in Japan and South Korea seem to increase every year.
Thus
, mental health issues from the workplace have become a serious topic these days. In conclusion, I completely believe that
career
 satisfaction has more positive effects than
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary because it helps
people
 to
work
 with their passion along with good mental health.
Submitted by v.chemnasiri on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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