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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security
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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over security or satisfaction which is more important in
line
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the line
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 of work.
While
 some claim that the enjoyment of
vocation
Correct article usage
a vocation
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 is more significant, the opposite makes the statement that a long-lasting
job
 is more crucial.
While
 each has its own perks, I would contend that I consider myself
Change preposition
apply
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as
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apply
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an advocate of the former. Without a shadow of a doubt, it is essential to enjoy employment. Because when an employee works in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 satisfactory environment which they desire to do,
the
Change the word
their
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 productivity will be enhanced effectively.
For instance
, some corporations
such
 as Google provide gymnastics and yoga rooms for workers to let their hair down when they are depressed.
Hence
,
job
 pleasure plays
such
 a paramount indispensable role in a worker's life.
While
 the importance of vocation enjoyment is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if that of
job
 security is ignored. Having a permanent line of career, employees would know their income and have a reasonable method for expenses.
For example
, being accustomed to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work, the worker would know how to spend reasonably on daily needs
such
 as bills or debts.
Thus
, it is
also
 imperative to have a stable vocation. In conclusion,
although
job
 security is necessary, working in a satisfactory environment is more vital for people’s line of
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that your essay comprehensively addresses all aspects of the prompt. Consider expanding on how job satisfaction and security impact personal and societal well-being to provide a more in-depth analysis.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Use a variety of transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your claims about job satisfaction and security. This will provide a more convincing and detailed explanation of your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
In conclusion, while summarizing your perspective, try to re-emphasize the most compelling arguments presented in your essay. This can make your conclusion stronger and more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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