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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The two line graphs compare the percentage of houses which owned electrical appliances and how much time of housework which was costed in households in a specific country from 1920 to 2019.

The two line graphs compare the percentage of houses which owned electrical appliances and how much time of housework which was costed in households in a specific country from 1920 to 2019.
These two line graphs compare the percentage of
households
Use synonyms
 in a given country that own appliances and the cost of time spent on household chores from 1920 to 2019.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 over a period of almost a century, people spent less time per
week
Use synonyms
 on household chores with the help of three appliances: washing machines, refrigerators and hoovers.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, the holding rate of the above-mentioned appliances showed an
overall
Linking Words
 increase over the same period. Starting with the 50 hours a
week
Use synonyms
 spent on housework in 1920, only 30% of
households
Use synonyms
 owned a hoover, the rate of holding
of
Change preposition
apply
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washing machines was only 40% and almost no
households
Use synonyms
 used hoovers to clean their houses. The
next
Linking Words
 century saw a gradual reduction in the number of hours spent on housework per
week
Use synonyms
, reaching a low of almost 10 hours per
week
Use synonyms
 by 2019. From almost zero in 1920, more and more
households
Use synonyms
 bought Hoover, which led to a rapid increase in hoover ownership, reaching a peak of 100% in 1980. The same trend is shown in the proportion of
households
Use synonyms
 owning a washing machine, the latter reaching 100% in 2000, a decade after washing machines. ownership of refrigerators rose sharply between 1920 and 1960,
then
Linking Words
 fluctuated over the
next
Linking Words
 59 years, reaching around 75% in 2019.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words households, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compare" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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