IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Should the production and sale of cigarettes be made illegal?

Cigarettes should be made illegal for many reasons. The two reasons are addiction and health. The first reason is addiction. People who smoke cigarettes have a high chance of getting an illness. Smoking is extremely harmful
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as causing red eyes or even poor muscle coordination. It can
also
Linking Words
cause
Use synonyms
 delayed reaction times. Smoking too much marijuana or weed can
cause
Use synonyms
 addiction, which can result in terminal illness or even death. Smoking has never been a healthy decision. Smoking can
cause
Use synonyms
 permanent heart disease or lung cancer. As stated before, smoking can
cause
Use synonyms
 poor muscle coordination or delayed reactions. Thanks to advertisements, humans who vape or smoke have put an end to
this
Linking Words
 lethal “pleasure”. Protests about smoking have started, putting an end to some weed or marijuana plantations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
cigarette making
Use the right word
cigarette-making
show examples
 companies will do everything
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 order
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the law
to be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 rejected.
Thankfully
Punctuation problem
Thankfully,
show examples
 the countries of Norway, New Zealand, Uruguay, Malta, Italy, Sweden, Scotland, Bhutan,
Lithuania
Correct word choice
and Lithuania
show examples
 are smoke-free. In my opinion, smoking has brought nothing but harm to the world we live in.

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task achievement
Make your ideas clearer by adding more explanation to your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'also', 'in conclusion') to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points.
positive
You clearly mentioned the main reasons against smoking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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