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Band 3

Some believe that men and women are equal and so women are able to do any job they want. Others feel that men women are not equal and therefore there certain jobs that are not suitable for women. What is your opinion

#believe #men #women #job #jobs
It is often claimed that men and
women
 are equal and
women
 can do any job they want,
while
 some
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that females are not suitable for every job. I strongly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that females can do any type of work. In
this
 essay, I am going to tell you that colleens are suitable for many of the jobs. It is widely believed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
women
 are challenging men in most of the fields.
Firstly
, there are only gents who are going
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
space
 but Valentina, a woman who travelled in
space
proofs
Replace the word
proves
show examples
 that
women
 are not weak and in 1963 she
creates
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
 a benchmark for all ladies in the world. Not only in
space
 but
also
 in police services,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities, and in many more sectors colleens are creating history continuously.
Furthermore
, the above examples you read
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 only related to
service
Add an article
the service
show examples
 sector. But ladies
also
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 their own
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 as well.
For instance
, recently the founder of Nykaa
Mrs.
Change the punctuation
Mrs
show examples
 Falguni Nayar
becomes
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the richest woman in India, by outbreaking its IPO in
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
 stock market. In conclusion,
women
 are giving their best in many of the fields in which they are working. So, they are equal to men in every field whether it is sports, business development,
space
 exploration,
software
Correct word choice
or software
show examples
 development.
However
, colleens
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 high patience
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
, excellent presence of mind and
also
 great
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 power in critical situations.
Submitted by mayankpd2016 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion to provide a clearer outline of your opinion and summarize your main points.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all aspects of the task, and provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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