Some people feel that entertainers (eg. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #eg #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job

It is argued that

currently

Add a comma

,currently

show examples

really famous people like films stars, pop musicians and

also

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

stars are got extremely huge amounts of payments more than they are actually deserved by some sort of public. I totally agree with

this

statement and give some evidence to

this

argument,

furthermore

consider on

jobs

which should be paid more than they are used to.

To begin

with, in the real it is totally true that a sort of community who has big fame around the whole world are earned a

lot

Add the preposition

oflot

show examples

money

. These types of people particularly earn

such

kind of huge

money

due to the different factors.

The

Correct article usage

First

show examples

first

and foremost, businesses are ready to pay

such

kind of big cash for them for working together.

For instance

: making an agreement to make advertisements for these firms to increase their number of sales or popularity in the markets.

Secondly

, it is an incredibly valuable opportunity

Change preposition

for to

show examples

businesses make their customers

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

be more loyal to

this

company or brand.

However

, there are other types of employments that are deserved to earn more salaries than they are getting now. Because these kinds of

jobs

are deeply connected with the high risk to

firstly

themselves and are really beneficial to the communities.

The

Correct article usage

show examples

great example of these

jobs

are

Change the verb form

show examples

doctors and firefighters. They always work

hardly

Replace the word

hard

show examples

to help their populations without any danger to die. Because even in the pandemic conditions they worked with the chance of dying from the covid.

Further

, the same with firefighters. They always start their

jobs

from early mornings with

understanding

Correct article usage

the understanding

show examples

that

this

day can be the

last

they exist. In my opinion, despite giving a lot of

money

to the famous sort of public with the advantages of increasing businesses, it should be paid more

money

to our hero people who work under peril

such

as doctors and firefighters as mentioned.

Submitted by abdullayev2000ulugbek on Sun Jan 30 2022

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

314 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Some people feel that entertainers (eg. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Include an introduction and conclusion

The plans below show the layout of a university sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed ,rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be disadvantages of being self-employed?

Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People are living much longer than before, and this creates enormous pressure on government services. What are some of the effects of a much larger, older population and what can governments do to deal with this problem?