Some people feel that entertainers (eg. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

It is argued that
currently
Add a comma
,currently
show examples
really famous people like films stars, pop musicians and
also
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
stars are got extremely huge amounts of payments more than they are actually deserved by some sort of public. I totally agree with
this
statement and give some evidence to
this
argument,
furthermore
consider on
jobs
which should be paid more than they are used to.
To begin
with, in the real it is totally true that a sort of community who has big fame around the whole world are earned a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
money
. These types of people particularly earn
such
kind of huge
money
due to the different factors.
The
Correct article usage
First
show examples
first
and foremost, businesses are ready to pay
such
kind of big cash for them for working together.
For instance
: making an agreement to make advertisements for these firms to increase their number of sales or popularity in the markets.
Secondly
, it is an incredibly valuable opportunity
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
businesses make their customers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be more loyal to
this
company or brand.
However
, there are other types of employments that are deserved to earn more salaries than they are getting now. Because these kinds of
jobs
are deeply connected with the high risk to
firstly
themselves and are really beneficial to the communities.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
great example of these
jobs
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
doctors and firefighters. They always work
hardly
Replace the word
hard
show examples
to help their populations without any danger to die. Because even in the pandemic conditions they worked with the chance of dying from the covid.
Further
, the same with firefighters. They always start their
jobs
from early mornings with
understanding
Correct article usage
the understanding
show examples
that
this
day can be the
last
they exist. In my opinion, despite giving a lot of
money
to the famous sort of public with the advantages of increasing businesses, it should be paid more
money
to our hero people who work under peril
such
as doctors and firefighters as mentioned.
Submitted by abdullayev2000ulugbek on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: