IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion on which side you favour.

#countries #laws #tobacco #buildings #offices #restaurants #intention #arguments #debate #conclusion #side #favour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Todays
Correct your spelling
Today
show examples
, the harmful effects of smoking on direct smokers as well as passive ones who
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 cigarette smoke is well-known. Many
countries
Use synonyms
 have enacted
laws
Use synonyms
 to forbid smoking in public places while others do not tend to follow. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both sides of
discussion
Correct article usage
the discussion
show examples
 will be debated. On the one hand, those
countries
Use synonyms
 who oppose enacting
laws
Use synonyms
 against cigarette smoking are dependent on importing or exporting
tobacco
Use synonyms
-based
products
Use synonyms
 and cite that their economic conditions could be greatly influenced by
such
Linking Words
products
Use synonyms
. Critics of passing
laws
Use synonyms
 against smoking point to evidence from
countries
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Afghanistan whose economy is massively supported by exporting opium in
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
. They claim that If the state warned people about
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 effects of smoking on
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 system and incremented the taxation of
tobacco
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 would be
sufficient
Correct article usage
a sufficient
show examples
prohibitive
Replace the word
prohibition
show examples
 (inhibitor) to their consumption and meet (address) the need of restricting rules for smoking.
However
Linking Words
, those who support enacting
laws
Use synonyms
 on smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 promote the idea that
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
smoking would have
harmful
Add an article
a harmful
show examples
 impact on
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 system. So far, many papers have been published in high-impact journals highlighting how smoking would impose irrecoverable damage to infants, pregnant women and children leading to
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of cancers, neurodegenerative disorders, and autoimmune diseases.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, proponents of limiting rules for
smoking
Add an article
the smoking
a smoking
show examples
 claim that employee who
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
 to
tobacco
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 should definitely meet their
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 every hour,
thus
Linking Words
 either inevitably would leave their workplace or could not efficiently concentrate to complete their duty. They are able to cite evidence from
countries
Use synonyms
 like China where the government has set a penalty for smoking in industrial places and would put in prison if the offender repeated again. Overall, I would tend to side with the supportive
countries
Use synonyms
 of passing
laws
Use synonyms
 against smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 in public places like restaurants and administrative
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. It would be a determining decision
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 directly
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 people’s health and
consequently
Linking Words
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: