IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Do you think businesses should hire employees who will spend their entire lives working for the company? Explain why do you agree or disagree. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#businesses #employees #lives #company #support
Undoubtedly,
employees
 consider
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a key factor in the success of businesses, which makes
recruitment
Correct article usage
the recruitment
show examples
 process extremely challenging. In
this
 regard, some employers prefer to hire
workers
 who make
commitment
Add an article
a commitment
the commitment
show examples
 to
work
 in the same workplace for life-long. From my standpoint, it is not acceptable to obligate
workers
 to
work
 in
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 same place since mandatory tasks could have undesirable consequences for both company and
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
Firstly
, in order to have a successful company, it is essential that
workers
 have a great sense of interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
job
 duties.
However
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 unpleasant events could happen in the office,
such
 as conflicts with colleagues or
work
 discriminations, which can result in unwillingness to
work
 in that atmosphere.
Hence
, by the pressure coming along with the
dissatisfied
Replace the word
dissatisfying
show examples
job
,
employees
 have shown some depression signs while working in that place, and their performance highly
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
 over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
Secondly
,
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
life-time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 commitment means that
employees
 are restricted to
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 position, and they never have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to get promoted or cooperate with better companies.
For example
, once a worker gets a
job
 offer with
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 salary from
well-known
Add an article
a well-known
show examples
 company, it is
employees’
Correct article usage
the employees’
show examples
 right to choose the better option for his/himself.
Thirdly
, it is beneficial for business owners to decrease the turn-over rate by hiring one worker for a long time since they allocate a huge amount of money for
employees
’ training process.
However
, it would be challenging for new graduates to find
job
 vacancies since all the positions are full with the former
workers
 so unemployment rates will increase in the country.
Finally
, with respect to the whole views mentioned above, making a commitment to
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 could have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
employees
, companies and governments.
Therefore
,
workers
 should have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to make
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 regarding their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by dornasadeghi912 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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