IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you think businesses should hire employees who will spend their entire lives working for the company? Explain why do you agree or disagree. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#businesses #employees #lives #company #support
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Undoubtedly,
employees
Use synonyms
 consider
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a key factor in the success of businesses, which makes
recruitment
Correct article usage
the recruitment
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 process extremely challenging. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, some employers prefer to hire
workers
Use synonyms
 who make
commitment
Add an article
a commitment
the commitment
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 to
work
Use synonyms
 in the same workplace for life-long. From my standpoint, it is not acceptable to obligate
workers
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 same place since mandatory tasks could have undesirable consequences for both company and
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in order to have a successful company, it is essential that
workers
Use synonyms
 have a great sense of interest
to
Change preposition
in
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 their
job
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 duties.
However
Linking Words
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 unpleasant events could happen in the office,
such
Linking Words
 as conflicts with colleagues or
work
Use synonyms
 discriminations, which can result in unwillingness to
work
Use synonyms
 in that atmosphere.
Hence
Linking Words
, by the pressure coming along with the
dissatisfied
Replace the word
dissatisfying
show examples
job
Use synonyms
,
employees
Use synonyms
 have shown some depression signs while working in that place, and their performance highly
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
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 over
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Correct your spelling
lifetime
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life-time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
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 commitment means that
employees
Use synonyms
 are restricted to
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 position, and they never have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to get promoted or cooperate with better companies.
For example
Linking Words
, once a worker gets a
job
Use synonyms
 offer with
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 salary from
well-known
Add an article
a well-known
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 company, it is
Use synonyms
employees’
Correct article usage
the employees’
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 right to choose the better option for his/himself.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, it is beneficial for business owners to decrease the turn-over rate by hiring one worker for a long time since they allocate a huge amount of money for
employees
Use synonyms
’ training process.
However
Linking Words
, it would be challenging for new graduates to find
job
Use synonyms
 vacancies since all the positions are full with the former
workers
Use synonyms
 so unemployment rates will increase in the country.
Finally
Linking Words
, with respect to the whole views mentioned above, making a commitment to
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
a job
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 could have
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 impact on
employees
Use synonyms
, companies and governments.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
workers
Use synonyms
 should have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to make
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 regarding their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by dornasadeghi912 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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