The bar charts below show the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts below show the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart indicates the top
ten
nations for the
production
and
consumption
of electric power in 2014. The countries include China, the United States,
Russia
,
Japan
,
India
, Canada, France, Brazil, Germany and
Korea
. The unit of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
production
and
consumption
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
billion
Change the article
a billion
show examples
kWh
.
Overall
, China had the highest
rate
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
both
production
and
consumption
of
electricity
percentage.
On the other hand
,
Korea
had the lowest
rate
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
both
Correct article usage
the
show examples
production
and
consumption
of
electricity
percentage.
Firstly
, China had 5,398
billion
kWh
in the
production
of
electricity
while
5322
billion
kWh
in the
consumption
of
electricity
. The Whilst
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
United States had the
second
-highest
rate
on both of it that was 4,099
billion
kWh
in
production
of
electricity
while
3866
billion
kWh
in
consumption
of
electricity
. On the
production
of
electricity
rank,
Russia
,
Japan
,
India
Correct word choice
and India
show examples
occupied positions three, four and five in the top
ten
, which the
rate
corresponding that
Russia
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
1057
billion
kWh
,
Japan
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
936.2billion
Correct your spelling
936.2 billion
kWh
and
India
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
871
billion
kWh
. The final five places in the top
ten
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
Canada had 618.9, France had 561.2, Brazil had 530.7, Germany had 526.6 and
Korea
had the lowest
rate
was 485.1.
By contrast
, on the
consumption
of
electricity
rate
,
Russia
,
Japan
,
India
Correct word choice
and India
show examples
occupied the same positions that
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
three, four and five in the top
ten
, which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
1038, 856.7,
698.8
Correct word choice
and 698.8
show examples
.
On the other hand
, Germany had 582.5
billion
kWh
which was higher than Canada had 499.9
billion
kWh
. The final three place in the rank was France(462.9), Brazil(455.8) and
Korea
(449.5)
Submitted by littlekongmy on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, while".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words ten, production, consumption, russia, japan, india, korea, billion, kwh, rate, electricity with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • electricity production
  • electricity consumption
  • megawatt-hours (MWh)
  • top ten countries
  • comparison
  • leading producers/consumers
  • highest producers
  • similarities
  • differences
  • relationship
  • significant gap
  • global scenario
  • balance
  • imbalance
  • overview
  • highlighting
  • identify
  • discuss
  • mention
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