IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
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In modern society, it has become a regular statement that amount of
money
Use synonyms
 is
crucial
Correct quantifier usage
more crucial
show examples
 than delight during the
job
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. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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the fact that
money
Use synonyms
 is a key for a
life
Use synonyms
 without needs,
however
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 it is a mistake to complete the tasks in the
work
Use synonyms
 without enthusiasm as a
job
Use synonyms
 that you are performing will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
life
Use synonyms
 dramatically.
This
Linking Words
 essay will clearly clarify why
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction assists you throughout your
life
Use synonyms
. On the one hand financial situation has constantly been a significant term as it defines your
Use synonyms
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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. Most of the people are working in order to earn
money
Use synonyms
 or to get a promotion where income rises. The reasons for these are distinct, but all
crosses
Fix the agreement mistake
cross
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 with the material values. As an illustration, Japanese people are tended to
work
Use synonyms
 harder than the rest of the people.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they pursue due to culture specification or to get a lot of
money
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 it brings them to a state of loneliness, depression.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is conducted not only for
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but for the other nationalities.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there must be a reason for you to
work
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 for
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 company
,
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apply
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 because performance is highly shown only when you are involved to
work
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 completely. It is vital to note that personal performance is assembled by the individuals’ actions during and after the working hours.
For instance
Linking Words
, I have seen a
sculpturer
Correct your spelling
sculpture
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 that was striving
approximately
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for approximately
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 7 hours at the leading company. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
it,
Correct article usage
the sculpturer
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sculpturer
Correct your spelling
sculptures
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 have continued
the
Change the word
their
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work
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 after
arrival
Correct pronoun usage
their arrival
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to
Change preposition
at
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home
Add an article
the home
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.
That is
Linking Words
 the key difference between accomplishing tasks from
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
the job
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 for
money
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 and doing it with passion is the result shown after. To top it off, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 main approach for your
life
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 to be better in all aspects.
Result
Add an article
The result
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 is attained by how you are addressing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: