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Band 5.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
In modern society, it has become a regular statement that amount of
money
 is
crucial
Correct quantifier usage
more crucial
show examples
 than delight during the
job
. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that
money
 is a key for a
life
 without needs,
however
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it is a mistake to complete the tasks in the
work
 without enthusiasm as a
job
 that you are performing will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
life
 dramatically.
This
 essay will clearly clarify why
job
 satisfaction assists you throughout your
life
. On the one hand financial situation has constantly been a significant term as it defines your
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. Most of the people are working in order to earn
money
 or to get a promotion where income rises. The reasons for these are distinct, but all
crosses
Fix the agreement mistake
cross
show examples
 with the material values. As an illustration, Japanese people are tended to
work
 harder than the rest of the people.
Moreover
, they pursue due to culture specification or to get a lot of
money
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
show examples
as a result
 it brings them to a state of loneliness, depression.
Hence
,
this
 is conducted not only for
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but for the other nationalities.
Nevertheless
, there must be a reason for you to
work
 for
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 company
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because performance is highly shown only when you are involved to
work
 completely. It is vital to note that personal performance is assembled by the individuals’ actions during and after the working hours.
For instance
, I have seen a
sculpturer
Correct your spelling
sculpture
show examples
 that was striving
approximately
Change preposition
for approximately
show examples
 7 hours at the leading company. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
it,
Correct article usage
the sculpturer
show examples
sculpturer
Correct your spelling
sculptures
show examples
 have continued
the
Change the word
their
show examples
work
 after
arrival
Correct pronoun usage
their arrival
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
.
That is
 the key difference between accomplishing tasks from
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 for
money
 and doing it with passion is the result shown after. To top it off, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
job
 satisfaction is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 main approach for your
life
 to be better in all aspects.
Result
Add an article
The result
show examples
 is attained by how you are addressing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: