IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
The debate around whether it is a good idea that
children
 attend
group
activities
 in their leisure time or play by themselves has raged on recently. I, for one, approve of the former belief, and I reckon it would be more beneficial for them.
This
 essay delves into the issue and provides logical reasons before drawing a conclusion. On the one hand, supporters of the idea of
group
activities
 mention two main reasons for their belief.
Firstly
,
such
activities
 or classes would boost
children
's soft skills,
such
 as being articulate, social skills, teamwork, being extrovert, as well as supportive.
Secondly
, not only would
such
activities
 have impacts on their characteristics but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could have effects on other aspects of their lives.
This
 means that some
group
 classes like a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 class
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 could be advantageous for their health which is the most important asset of
children
.
On the other hand
, opponents of
this
 idea highlight that it is better for
children
 to entertain themselves on their own rather
taking
Change preposition
than taking
show examples
 part
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
group
 communities.
In other words
,
this
 habit would foster a sense of self-dependent in them, so gradually even over the course of their youth or elderly, they would not get into trouble for doing their tasks alone.
Moreover
, they add that the atmosphere of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teamwork could cause damaging effects on
children
's concentration and squander their time tremendously. According to statistics which have been published by the New York Times magazine in 2021, approximately 70 per cent of single
children
 who have to entertain themselves alone, are more productive at their school. Having taken all into consideration, as far as I am concerned, the merits of social
activities
 overweigh demerits because
children
 could be indirectly taught many fabulous skills like being sociable, articulate as well as teamwork.
Submitted by parinaznoruzi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: