In the past, many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

There is a
tremendously
Change the adverb
tremendous
show examples
controversy heating up a debate whether more peacefulness would have existed around the
world
if it had been managed by
Add an article
a female
the female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. In my point of view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
would consider myself as an advocate of
this
statement. Without a shadow of a doubt, there were a bunch of arguments and
violence
resulting from male leaders. In my opinion, the main drive to
this
dire problem
Add a missing verb
is base
show examples
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
on
male’s
Fix the agreement mistake
males’
show examples
leading methods because men usually have a tendency to rigidly decide and use
violence
and conflicts to deal with problems.
For example
, a German dictator - Adolf Hitler usually gave abundant rampant decisions which were the main contribution to
World
War II
although
his target was to expand Germany’s territory for citizens.
Therefore
, I think that
leading
Correct article usage
the leading
show examples
tactics of
Add an article
the male
a male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
are the main drive to arguments and
violence
.
On the other hand
, it is believed that if
women
get the leading role, the
world
will become more peaceful. Because the approach
women
lead the
world
is
soft
Add an article
the soft
show examples
power of collaboration because
women
are inclined to cope with matters by persuasion, negotiation without
violence
.
For instance
, Angela Merkel-Former Prime Minister of Germany put effort to reconcile conflicts for Ukraine-Russia.
Hence
, the presences of female in political empowerment are indispensable for
a the
Choose an article
a
the
show examples
world
without
violence
and conflicts. In conclusion,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
leading methods of
Add an article
the female
a female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
are the key to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
peaceful
world
.
Thus
, the presence of
women
in
managing
Add an article
the managing
show examples
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
tremendously necessary.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • male-dominated leadership
  • empathetic
  • cooperative
  • inclusive society
  • governance
  • diversity
  • sustainable peace
  • social welfare
  • collaborative approach
  • international relations
  • leadership qualities
  • decision-making processes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: