IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 technical world, people are getting a good amount of income for the job they are doing in an organization. If a person works for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 senior position
due to
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 his experience they are paid more
while
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 others get
less
Fix the agreement mistake
a lower
show examples
 salary. I totally agree with
this
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 point and explain the reasons for
this
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 in the below essay.
To begin
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 with, Folks having senior management positions in any system have more experience and better capability of dealing with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems as compared to an employee at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lower grade .
Secondly
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, they have to work hard to manage the people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are reporting to them.
For instance
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, A senior manager in a company takes care of two or more teams.
Hence
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, he will be paid more because of his talent and increased responsibility.
In contrast
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 to the above point, Employees of an office at a lower seat are paid less because they have less experience and have to complete their job
at the end
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 of the day.
For example
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, A new college hire in any organization need not worry about the business to run a company. He just needs to focus on learning the things to do in an efficient way. Another reason is that it's not a good practice to pay more for a less experienced employee at the lower post which is the biggest reason they are having low salaries. In
nutshell
Correct article usage
a nutshell
show examples
, Any good organization is paying more to a senior post because of their workload and knowledge . In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a positive thing that an employee should get less wage as a comparison to his manager having more knowledge.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting ideas that are logically arranged. Connect ideas with transitional words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments. Consider elaborating on the impact of seniority on salaries in different industries or companies to support your points more effectively.
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