IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
violence
Use synonyms
 on social media is becoming a serious problem that
happening
Change the form of the verb
happens
show examples
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
this
Linking Words
 trend can damage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, others claim that these factors can affect
people
Use synonyms
's behaviour. In my opinion, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 kind of
violence
Use synonyms
 does not affect our society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the programs that are being put on television should take measures,
such
Linking Words
 that they do not include extreme
violence
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 do not have any plans on hurting
people
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, if they are not mentally stable, they can be affected. Up to now, there are many examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 serious problems. Many kids have been affected and murdered
their
Change preposition
by their
show examples
 friends, parents,
ect
Correct your spelling
etc
, due to the
Use synonyms
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 scenes on TV and computer games.
However
Linking Words
, watching TV and playing computer games that have
violence
Use synonyms
 can have some advantages. Some
people
Use synonyms
 learned how to protect
themshelves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 only by doing these. These activities are
also
Linking Words
 a good way to reduce stress from work and school. In conclusion, the government should share the knowledge about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 trend. I strongly believe that other factors influence
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's behaviour in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: