IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
Nowadays, parents apply different methods for raising their
children
.They believe that their child should be learned
distinction
Add an article
the distinction
show examples
 between wrong and right in their childhood and
punishment
 is the best way.in my ,opinion these kinds of trends have negative effects on
personality
Add an article
the personality
show examples
 of
children
, so I strongly disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 notion due to
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 reasons. One of the most important reasons that we should avoid
punishment
 is that
children
 are too innocent,and most of their performances are
unintentionally
Replace the adverb
unintentional
show examples
.For ,instance a pupil who picks up his classmate’s pencil is not a thief ,and his action should not
considered
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 as an example of theft. We should explain
him
Change preposition
to him
show examples
 , why picking up other people’s belonging without permission is wrong,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
show examples
punishment
especially in public
Add the comma(s)
, especially in public,
show examples
 may have converse effects
consequently
 either they become introverted or stubborn and rebellious .
In addition
 , teaching right and wrong through
punishment
 can embed
this
 attitude that big people are able to torment smaller
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.We have witnessed that older students started bullying in schools.Being aggressive
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can
therefore
 be another destructive effect of
punishment
.
However
, if teachers and parents are adamant to use
punishment
 as a deterrent method , they should apply simple ones and avoid physical and mental penalties that make a permanent scar on their personalities.
For instance
, picking up rubbish, cleaning classes in school or banning
children
 from watching tv are good examples of reasonable punishments. To conclude,
punishment
 may
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 converse effects on
children
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 in the future , but if it is urgent simple penalty can be sufficient.
Submitted by rezakiani525 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: