In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?

Equality means that
people
will have the same rights and treatments, and in
this
kind of
society
, I believe
people
will achieve more than in
unequal
Correct article usage
an unequal
show examples
environment. For
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
society
, public service will benefit
people
a lot and improve their sense of well-being. One important factor is the medical factors. All of the
people
will have the rights to be treated
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
welly
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
and if the illness is very serious like cancers that hardly can be cured,
government
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the government
show examples
will take
burden
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the burden
show examples
of it and take most of the responsibilities. Another factor is education , all the citizens have the same
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
to receive education for free. In a
society
that is
equal, it should not appear the phenomenon that wealthy
family
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families
show examples
paying
higher
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a higher
show examples
fee
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fees
show examples
to gain better education and teacher
thus
lead to a better job background and opportunities.
In
Correct your spelling
An
show examples
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
society
,
people
will have more opportunities to purchase their wants because their opportunities are the same and they would not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dissatisfaction
Besides
, they may have more motivation to achieve their personal success. Wherever, in a
society
that is
unequal,
people
will feel that they are not treated equally and will have resentment towards life, though equality does not have the necessary connection with personal achievement.
Moreover
, if
people
make the same efforts but the results
turns
Change the verb form
turn
show examples
out to be different due to the
uneqaulity
Correct your spelling
inequality
, it will greatly demotivate
people
to achieve their personal success for they know some factors
such
as the family backgrounds cannot be changed and they will easily give up on their way purchasing. In all, in
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
society
, it seems that personal success may be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier and more
motivate
Replace the word
motivating
show examples
for
people
to achieve and keep purchasing it.
Submitted by Welkin on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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