IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What’s action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behaviour #what’s #action
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Nowadays, in
this
Linking Words
 capitalist
society
Add a comma
,society
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 feel the need to buy
things
Use synonyms
 that are not essential to their lives. These could be items ranging from designer, icon, clothes, watch, and expensive cars. It led to an effect on
Correct article usage
the finance
show examples
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and push us into debt. In the following, I will discuss the aims of
this
Linking Words
 essay
therefore
Linking Words
to identify
Change the verb form
identifying
show examples
 the reasons for
Linking Words
this behaviors
Change the determiner
this behavior
these behaviors
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 and how we could avoid
this
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 happening. Many
people
Use synonyms
 buy
things
Use synonyms
 that are not necessary, they may want to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their psychological appetite.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 buy fantasy
things
Use synonyms
 because their friends buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 too, another example
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 buy some fantasy goods to collect like watches, bags, and some limited collections, it kind of shopping addiction. Some of them use all of their money to shop in fantasy stuff even they understood they cannot afford and used a credit card or loaded from a bank, that effect to family in financial crisis, some
people
Use synonyms
 need to see shrink treatment for help. I have 2 suggestions to prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from having
this
Linking Words
 problem.
First
Linking Words
, they could stop or cut the services of credit cards,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can reduce the debt in
Correct article usage
the finance
show examples
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
 crisis.
Second
Linking Words
, they can do more exercises to distract
shopping
Change preposition
from shopping
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 addiction. Doing exercises can improve the body's health and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 more time
instead
Linking Words
 of shopping. In conclusion, I have no doubt buying
things
Use synonyms
 is happiness and everyone should be like
this
Linking Words
, but we have to definitely understand what
things
Use synonyms
 we need to buy or not to buy. Don’t make the happy
things
Use synonyms
 to bad
things
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by maxkaeye on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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