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Band 3.5

In mordern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. 1. Why has this change occured? 2. Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

#mordern #times #children #time #families #friends #change #parents #force #home
Today, children are giving most of their time to
friends
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 family. In
this
 technologically competitive era, discovering to self has been more important and only possible after exposing to the outside world with
friends
. In my opinion, it is not a good idea to compel children to be homebound because it will make them passive and introverted. Being surrounded by
friends
 most of the time helps one to explore self with others and the environment. Early discovery drives a child to work on a vision.
Thus
, one can achieve success sooner in the near future.
For instance
, scion's participation in outdoor activities has drastically increased recently to identify their real strengths.
However
, controlling the child by not letting
visit
Correct pronoun usage
them visit
show examples
out
Change preposition
apply
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with
friends
 hampers the child's development making them passive and introverted. They won't be able to explore what they can do beyond the limit. Staying at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home makes him or her dependent on family members.
On the contrary
,
such
heir
Fix the agreement mistake
heirs
show examples
 will have difficulty dealing with other people in later life which can make them feel isolated. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, the scion is found highly with their contemporaries to find out who they really are and their strength.
Also
, they should never be forced to stay within four walls as it can make them inactive and introverted which badly affects them in later life.
Submitted by susmitabhusal71 on

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task achievement
When explaining your points, aim to include more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This enhances credibility and makes the points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on aligning your ideas clearly so that each paragraph introduces and explains just one main point. This will improve your logical structure and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Revise your essay to avoid repetitive wording and phrases. For instance, varying sentences and using synonyms can make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear answer to both parts of the prompt, discussing why children spend more time with friends and whether parents should force them to stay home.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the responses comprehensively.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the importance of social interactions for children's development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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