IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some businesses find that new employees who just finish their education lack basic interpersonal ability such as work with others as a part of team. What do you think are the causes of this problem? And how to solve this?

#businesses #employees #education #lack #ability #work #part #team
Many employers realized that new employees
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 especially graduated
students
, do not possess collaborative
skills
such
 as working with their colleagues.
This
 could be contributed by the incomprehensive education system.Many solutions can tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 problem and will be illustrated in
this
 essay. I contend that there are two major driving forces behind the inadequate interpersonal
skills
 of new employees. The major one is that a great number of schools always concentrate on improving
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 academic performance rather than enhancing their
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work ability
Correct your spelling
workability
show examples
. In terms of
students
, due to the reason that they do not have sufficient working experience in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, schools should arouse their awareness on the importance of cultivating interpersonal
skills
. Another factor
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 leads to
badweak
Correct your spelling
bad weak
bad week
 social
skills
 is the incomplete
examining
Replace the word
examination
show examples
 of employees. Employers often use potential employees’
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 and
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
 to discriminate the best one.
However
, the examiners usually overlook the importance of collaborative
skills
 and
this
 may not be tested。 In order to tackle
this
 problem, it is important to weigh up the importance of academic
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
 and interpersonal
skills
. Indeed,
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
assortment
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
 are mediocre in
study
Add an article
the study
a study
show examples
 but outstanding in working with each other.
Therefore
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could change
study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
 system from more academic to more social.
In addition
, schools and colleges may provide more chances for
students
 to
pracitce
Correct your spelling
practice
 in the firms. When they work with their colleagues, they will acquire useful
skills
such
 as interpersonal communication or teamwork before they formally apply for a job. In conclusion, the inadequacies of
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 education system bring about several problems,
in particular
 lacking interpersonal qualities.
This
 can
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
show examples
 by the changing of concept that how to distinguish a better people from academic to human communication. Plus, more practice opportunities will
also
 improve potential employees’ collaborative
skills
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large extent.
Submitted by 59213142 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: