IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their families and friends. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #work #move #families #friends
It is a common belief that
people
 have to live far from home to find a
job
. While some believe that there are clear disadvantages of moving away from family, I would contend that the advantages are noticeable. On the one hand, it seems undeniable that there are a variety of reasons to believe that staying in your hometown is easier to find a
job
 than living far from home. The primary reason is that there are not many
people
 who choose to live in the countryside
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they might have more jobs than in the city.
Besides
, parents are always beside us to take care of us, which leads to less worry about life. It is easy to see that in a Vietnamese extended family, the mother and father work near the house, which is more convenient for them to spend time with family.
On the other hand
, I am firm in the opinion that there are more significant demerits of finding a
job
 far from family and friends. The
first
 reason is there are more opportunities in the city than in the countryside.
Therefore
, it is easier for rural
people
 to find a decent
job
/ occupation, which means they can improve their living standards and have a better life.
Secondly
, working far from our parents helps us learn many social skills and grow up by ourselves.
For example
, a student who leaves his/her hometown to find a
job
 tends to mature and have a strong will.
As a result
, most
people
 choose to move from family to find a
job
 to develop themselves and their careers, In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I maintain that finding a
job
 near home is more convenient to take care of the family. It is advisable that
people
 should work far from their parents to find better opportunities.
Submitted by phuongank1511 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: