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Band 4

Many parents complain about violence promoted to their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it?

#parents #violence #children #video #games #tv #programs #media
Nowadays
violence
advertised
Add a missing verb
is advertised
show examples
 to
children
 via video games, TV
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
 and
also
 other social media platforms, which is named Instagram and Twitter.
This
 essay will discuss why
parents
 complain with regard to
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
 effects of
violence
 is illustrated to their
children
,
besides
, what they should do to avoid
children
 from
these promotion
Change the determiner
this promotion
these promotions
show examples
.
First
 of all, numerous
parents
 demand to bring up their
children
 without
violence
 since the fact that
children
 can use
violence
 in their future
life
 is frighten their
parents
.
Moreover
,
parents
 attribute bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of their
children
 to these advertisements consisting
violence
.
Hence
, they deter their
children
 from using
violence
 in every respect.
Furthermore
,
parents
 have
gut
Add an article
a gut
show examples
 feeling about imitating their
children
what
Change preposition
on what
show examples
 they see
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 TV or
video
Change preposition
in video
show examples
 games.These advertisements
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 demonstrated to
children
 how they can adapt
those harmful attitude
Change the determiner
that harmful attitude
those harmful attitudes
show examples
 in their
life
 by appealing to
children
.
As a result
,
parents
 reach a consensus on
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
show examples
 effects of
violence
 on their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 lives. As far as I am concerned, the best solution for
this
 issue is that these commercials ought to be prohibited by the government.What is more, only by warning can
parents
 solve
this
 problem if they do not have any
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
. Yet, sometimes
children
 insist on not
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
caring
out
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 tell them. When
parents
 are faced with
Add an article
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 like
this
,
doctors
Change noun form
doctors'
doctor's
show examples
appointment
Fix the agreement mistake
appointments
show examples
, who is educated
children
psychology
Change preposition
on psychology
show examples
 should be arranged
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
parents
.Since having talked,
children
 can easily admit their guilt. In conclusion, so long as
children
 enforce a rule
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
implemented
Add a missing verb
is implemented
show examples
 by their
parents
, they can
declined
Change the verb form
decline
show examples
 the effects of
violence
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
. Taking everything into account, deficiency of awareness plays a vital role in
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
 ;
however
,
parents
 can help their
children
 to solve
this
 problem.
Additionally
, banning these
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
commercial
Correct your spelling
commercials
show examples
 can be a solution for
this
 issue
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
parents
 or authorized people can do.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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