IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some countries, people are spending long hours at the workplace. Why does this happen? Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #hours #workplace #happen #development
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate
why
Change preposition
about why
show examples
people
 are using a great volume of
time
 for their careers.
This
 essay is devoted to analyzing some justifications
of
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for
show examples
this
 statement and I consider myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of
this
. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a wide range of reasons why
people
 use a lot of
time
 in the
workplace
 and the working environment is one of those. Some kinds of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 required technical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 or high-tech
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
, which are only available in
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
.
Therefore
,
people
 have to stay most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 in
enterprise
Correct article usage
the enterprise
show examples
 to finish their tasks with the best result.
For example
, a photographer
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to stay in their studio for a long
time
 because only their studio can provide all
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 that they need
such
 as
camera
Correct article usage
a camera
show examples
, light, gimbal,
....
Replace the punctuation
...
show examples
 So it is impossible for photo-takers to spend
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of
time
to work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
 at home.
Hence
, staying in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 play a paramount significant role in
performance
Add an article
the performance
show examples
 of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Without a shadow of a doubt, making use of long hours in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 is urgently significant. Nowadays, abundant companies are armed with top-notch services,
therefore
, it can enhance
staffs’
Change noun form
staffs
show examples
 productivity. So staff can easily spend most of the day in their
company
 to finish their tasks with the highest quality and directly contribute to the success of the enterprise .
For example
, Shopee VietNam is a leading
company
 in the technological market aspect and they provide junk food, coffee and soft drink to provide temporary energy for their
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
.
Hence
, Shopee’s
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 can easily work for a long
time
 and support Shopee to become a top corporation in Vietnam.
Thus
, spending long hours in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 is indispensable
in
Change preposition
to
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 the success of the
company
. In conclusion, using a great deal of
time
 in
company
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
 bring back abundant benefits for both
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 and corporations.
Consequently
,
people
 should spend most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 in enterprise for the best achievement.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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