IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It has been observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing not to study science subjects at university. What are the causes of this? What effects can this have on society?

#countries #students #study #science #subjects #university #effects #society
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It is
evident
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an evident
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 phenomenon that the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
students
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 who choose the
science
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 subject is declining compared to other
fields
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 in many countries. In the following paragraph,
this
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate
a
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on a
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number of reasons which are responsible for causing
this
Linking Words
 serious problem and
adverse
Correct pronoun usage
its adverse
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effects
Use synonyms
 on society. There are a wide variety of causes why
this
Linking Words
 has become increasingly an issue. The most significant cause behind
this
Linking Words
 is that the
students
Use synonyms
 who
study
Use synonyms
 these
science
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as biology, chemistry and physics need to be
intelligence
Replace the word
intelligent
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, require hard work and have passion
into
Change preposition
for
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 them since they have chosen those
subjects
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.
This
Linking Words
 will make many
students
Use synonyms
 mistakes in choosing their
fields
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 and
to select
Change the verb form
selecting
show examples
 the easy stream
such
Linking Words
 as business, engineering and leisure arts. It is
also
Linking Words
 the case that the period for learning those
science
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subjects
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, especially in those medicine
fields
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 is very long for those
students
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 who take medicine to complete till graduation so that a large number of
students
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 select the short period of
study
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 including business and commerce as they do not want to spend their long periods in university. The final reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that the
students
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 who pick to
study
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 those
subjects
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 will be difficult in finding jobs since there are few jobs in those
fields
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
students
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 end
in
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up
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 choosing other
subjects
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 which have more opportunities in communities rather than
science
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subjects
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. It is true that
this
Linking Words
 matter brings about many devastating
effects
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 on communities in many countries.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the large amounts of diseases affect people’s health problems if there are few numbers of
students
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 who
study
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science
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 subject
that is
Linking Words
 really important in medical treatment and care.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there will be fewer doctors who are able to tackle these health emergencies including Covid-19 nowadays. Perhaps as significant as
this
Linking Words
 is that there will be a deficiency of qualified employees
such
Linking Words
 as scientists who find the solutions to the
environment
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environmental
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 issues and global warming. As a consequence,
this
Linking Words
 problem will imbalance in the future workforce and impact destructive
effects
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 on the development of many nations. Taking everything into account,
although
Linking Words
 high intelligence and
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 period are required for
students
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 to
study
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
science
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subjects
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 shirking numbers of
students
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 who pick up to
study
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subjects
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 affects many disastrous
effects
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 on people’s health and environment.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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