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Band 5.5

It has been observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing not to study science subjects at university. What are the causes of this? What effects can this have on society?

#countries #students #study #science #subjects #university #effects #society
It is
evident
Add an article
an evident
show examples
 phenomenon that the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
students
 who choose the
science
 subject is declining compared to other
fields
 in many countries. In the following paragraph,
this
 essay will elaborate
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
number of reasons which are responsible for causing
this
 serious problem and
adverse
Correct pronoun usage
its adverse
show examples
effects
 on society. There are a wide variety of causes why
this
 has become increasingly an issue. The most significant cause behind
this
 is that the
students
 who
study
 these
science
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
such
 as biology, chemistry and physics need to be
intelligence
Replace the word
intelligent
show examples
, require hard work and have passion
into
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them since they have chosen those
subjects
.
This
 will make many
students
 mistakes in choosing their
fields
 and
to select
Change the verb form
selecting
show examples
 the easy stream
such
 as business, engineering and leisure arts. It is
also
 the case that the period for learning those
science
subjects
, especially in those medicine
fields
 is very long for those
students
 who take medicine to complete till graduation so that a large number of
students
 select the short period of
study
 including business and commerce as they do not want to spend their long periods in university. The final reason for
this
 is that the
students
 who pick to
study
 those
subjects
 will be difficult in finding jobs since there are few jobs in those
fields
.
As a result
, many
students
 end
in
Change preposition
up
show examples
 choosing other
subjects
 which have more opportunities in communities rather than
science
subjects
. It is true that
this
 matter brings about many devastating
effects
 on communities in many countries.
First
 of all, the large amounts of diseases affect people’s health problems if there are few numbers of
students
 who
study
science
 subject
that is
 really important in medical treatment and care.
Additionally
, there will be fewer doctors who are able to tackle these health emergencies including Covid-19 nowadays. Perhaps as significant as
this
 is that there will be a deficiency of qualified employees
such
 as scientists who find the solutions to the
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issues and global warming. As a consequence,
this
 problem will imbalance in the future workforce and impact destructive
effects
 on the development of many nations. Taking everything into account,
although
 high intelligence and
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 period are required for
students
 to
study
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
science
subjects
,
this
 shirking numbers of
students
 who pick up to
study
subjects
 affects many disastrous
effects
 on people’s health and environment.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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