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Band 4.5

Because of the global economy many goods including what we use on daily basics produce by other countries have to be transported for a long distance. To what do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

#economy #goods #basics #countries #distance
The importance of logistics has seen a rise due to the
ominpresence
Correct your spelling
omnipresence
 of globalization. Basic products are often easier and cheaper to transport around the
world
 rather than produce locally. The interdependence of people and
countries
 is often seen as a positive force for
for
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
both productivity and
world
 peace;
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
show examples
 overdependence can lead to situations when
one
 group of people takes advantage
over
Change preposition
of
show examples
 another. In my opinion, the advantages of the global economy are much greater than
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. It is out of doubt that some
countries
 excel at particular economical activities. There is no single
country
 in the
world
 that can sustain itself
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 its own. Whenever
country
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
 tried to isolate itself from
global
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the global
show examples
 market,
unprecedented
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an unprecedented
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 drop
of
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in
show examples
 the quality of life came into action.
For instance
, in order to grow food, there is a need for
fertile
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the fertile
show examples
land
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the
countries
 that lack
such
land
 might have developed highly-efficient machines that help to increase
productivity
Add an article
the productivity
show examples
 of
land
Add an article
the land
show examples
. Trade agreements between these two
countries
 might prove to be beneficial, as
one
country
 gets
much needed
Add a hyphen
much-needed
show examples
 food, while
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
recieves
Correct your spelling
receives
muchinery
Correct your spelling
machinery
 that increases the output of their
land
.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 it is highly unlikely for these two
countries
 to go into war, as they are both interdependent on each
others
Change to a genitive case
other's
show examples
 prosperity. Yet
such
 economic activities are not always
mutualy
Correct your spelling
mutually
 beneficial. If
one
country
 or company provides services or goods that are not easily reproduced outside of their "realm"
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 they can act as monopolies. Unfair contract obligations are the
next
 logical step for
such
 entities, which in turn means exploitation of
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other party
Change the wording
another party
other parties
show examples
.
One
 example of
this
 is
geneticaly
Correct your spelling
genetically
 modified rice crops produced by
Montegro
Correct your spelling
Montenegro
. It is the best possible rice that
farmer
Fix the agreement mistake
farmers
show examples
 can grow, as it is resistant to pests, grows quickly and has superior nutritional values.
However
 there is a
jist
Correct your spelling
list
, it is extremely pricy and farmers from developing
countries
 are forced to take huge loans in order to buy
this
 rice for their plantation if they want to stay competitive on the global market. If they cannot pay their loans back, they become
insovlent
Correct your spelling
insolvent
insolent
 and are forced to sell all of their assets. To sum it up, the
world
 has never been as
interdependant
Correct your spelling
interdependent
 as it is today. It has served
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity well, as together we are much stronger than separately.
However
, we should never forget that globalization is a double-edged sword and we must keep certain entities in check.
Thus
 the
world
 will be
much
Add an article
a much
the much
show examples
 safer, more productive and fairer place to live in.
Submitted by zugerry on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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