IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
#graphs #show #numbers #workers #employment #sectors #republic #freedonia
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The line graphs provide information about the
numbers
 of
men
 and
women
 of the Republic of Freedonia who are employed in 6 different areas in 1975 and 1995.
Overall
, it can be seen that in 1975 the
number
 of
male
Change to a plural noun
males
show examples
 is higher than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in all categories but in 1995
women
 started to be ahead of
men
 in some sectors
suxh
Correct your spelling
such
 as communications, wholesale and retail trade.  In 1975 the
number
 of
emloyed
Correct your spelling
employed
men
 in manufacturing is about 700
while
women
 take only 300. As for
communications
Add a comma
,communications
show examples
 there are almost the same
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people but in the finance
category
Add a comma
,category
show examples
 there are nearly 200
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and more than 400
men
.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 wholesale and retail trade
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 about 500
women
 and 700
men
while
 in the public
sector
 (non-defence) these
numbers
 are higher by 100 people. The
last
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
category is the public
sector
 (defence) which includes 100
women
 and 200
men
. It can be seen that some of these
numbers
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed in 1995. The
number
 of
women
 who are employed in communication increased
while
 the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
men
 stayed unchanged.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the
number
 of
female
Change to a plural noun
females
show examples
 in the banking
sector
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
surge
Wrong verb form
surged
show examples
 to almost 500.
Moreover
 statistics of
women
 in the wholesale and public
sector
 (defence)
raised
Add a missing verb
were raised
show examples
.
Submitted by aleksandra.ponomarenkoo on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words numbers, men, women, number, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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