IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion on which side you favour.

#countries #laws #tobacco #buildings #offices #restaurants #intention #arguments #debate #conclusion #side #favour
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Generally, many
people
Use synonyms
 conceive that smoking anyway is not judicious and brings so
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 hazardous effects to the community. According to
this
Linking Words
 social demand, Governments approved
restrict
Wrong verb form
restricted
show examples
 laws which
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 smoking forbidden in public or closed places like restaurants or offices. There are
countries
Use synonyms
 with
Add an article
an opponent
the opponent
show examples
opponent
Replace the word
opposing
show examples
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 who consider no restriction
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 smoking even in
public
Add an article
a public
the public
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. Both aspects would be discussed here. Altogether, most
countries
Use synonyms
 which promote the idea of
banding
Correct your spelling
banning
show examples
 or limiting tobacco smoking are between developed ones that extra to
this
Linking Words
 rule, obey many other restrictive but advanced laws like
human
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a human
show examples
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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, sanitarian
leges
Correct your spelling
legs
, feminine equity and etc. They sense the recent needs of their citizens and
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 respect to these necessities, manage their rules. Among these populations, we can name Scandinavian
countries
Use synonyms
 that do their best in
this
Linking Words
 way. Another reason which may enforce governments in restricting tobacco at least in public is the unbridle incidence of respiratory diseases among
people
Use synonyms
 who smoke, which, not only makes a lot of mortality and morbidity in
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 takes a huge expenditure to manage
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. So, provided that they could control the prevalence of
disease
Add an article
the disease
a disease
show examples
 among
people
Use synonyms
 and
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 youngsters, they will promote the rate of health in
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
. On the other side, there are
countries
Use synonyms
 which do not consider
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem and believe that many more important corners yet remain to be solved. So let
people
Use synonyms
 how to react to
this
Linking Words
 difficulty by themselves. Another reason, is that may the rate of disease is not so high in the communities to be noticed or the manner of replacing
habit
Add an article
the habit
show examples
 of smoking is unknown
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them. Any way priority of controlling or forbidding cigarette smoking in
social
Add an article
a social
the social
show examples
area
Change the noun form
areas
show examples
 like restaurants or offices is not serious and not ordered. In conclusion, despite being both aspects of
this
Linking Words
 scheme, as I hate smoking myself and know the hazardous effects of it on the health of
people
Use synonyms
 according to my job, prefer laws which oblige
people
Use synonyms
 not to smoke in public places and even if it
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 possible nowhere.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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