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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. ummarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where revelant.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. ummarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where revelant.
#show #percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world #ummarise #information #features #comparisons #revelant
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The pie charts
illistruates
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illustrates
illustrate
 the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
useages
Correct your spelling
usages
usage
 in six areas around the world for various kinds of reasons.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can say that
agricultural
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agriculture
show examples
 is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
water
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useage
Correct your spelling
usage
 in four places
such
Linking Words
 as South
America
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, Africa, Central
Asia
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 and South East
Asia
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while
Linking Words
wate
Correct your spelling
water
 is mostly used for industrial in North
America
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 and Europe. The same pattern applies to domestic
use
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 which is the least reason to spend
water
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expect
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except
show examples
 in South
America
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 where domestic is the
second
Linking Words
 most common reason.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
water
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consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 rate of
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
show examples
 is the most common purpose in Africa, Central
Asia
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, Sout East
Asia
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 and South
America
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 with 84%, 88%, 81% and 71% of the total consumption respectively. But, the percentages of
industrail
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industrial
use
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fluctuated around 5% to 12% in those countries and the same thing happens to domestic
use
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 between 7% and 9% despite the fact that 19% for
Sout
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South
show examples
America
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.
However
Linking Words
, the most
industralized
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industrialized
industrialised
 places
such
Linking Words
 as North
America
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 and Europe
use
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 most of their
water
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 for industries which
equal
Add a missing verb
is equal
show examples
 to 48% and 53% each other. The agricultural
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use
Change the noun form
uses
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 39% and 32% and 13% and 15% for domestic
use
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Submitted by ivvitest3 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, america, asia, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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