IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children's development than playing computer games. What extent do you agree or disagree.

A highly controversial issue today relates to whether physical sports are crucial for kids' growth
in contrast
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 to online games. There is no denying the fact that in the contemporary age tangible movement or action is extremely vital for the youth evolution. I firmly agree and withstand the given notion.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on my visions in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 With, There are a number of arguments in favour of my sentiment. The most preponderant is that beyond doubt body action has become a part of the past in the modern age and fast-paced environment which has numerous advantages for child progress it is essential for the learning process.
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for
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For
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 instance I vividly remember when I was a kid I used to play cricket at the sports complex nearby my hometown back in 2006 and it proved bonafide not only my body growth but
also
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 for academic.
In addition
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 to
this
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, there are numerous other benefits in various fields. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
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, Another pivotal factor in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
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, when only one follows a system, can they broaden their horizons,
hence
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 learning these attributes as dedication and perseverance.
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as
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As
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 a result, it is apparent why many are in favour of games in public spots prove to have bountiful benefits for child development
such
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 as boosting confidence and eventually outperforming in all aspects of life. to cite an example a global survey indicated that youth who are involved in physical activities in outdoor places in comparison to playing games on mobiles or computers are more creative and energetic.
Finally
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, to recapitulate the aforementioned arguments, I would like to restate my position that the benefits of physical sports are indeed too great to ignore the burden of stress and relish the kid's phase in the current age at outdoor places.

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic and provides a roadmap of the essay's content.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and cohesive devices to create a more coherent and cohesive essay structure. Additionally, work on maintaining a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
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