IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The government should allocate more funding to teaching science rather than to other subjects in order for the country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #science #subjects #country #progress
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should distribute more allowances to
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of to other
subjects
Use synonyms
 in order to maximize the
country
Use synonyms
's growth and development. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will provide an explanation in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
science
Use synonyms
 plays a huge role in healthcare development.
This
Linking Words
 is extremely important as we need more medical specialists to treat unusual conditions and scientists in researching
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
against
Change preposition
for
show examples
 deadly
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as cancer.
Therefore
Linking Words
, with better facilities and teaching materials from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 funding, a higher chance of
children
Use synonyms
 would be influenced to develop an interest to learn
science
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the number of potential candidates to work as medical specialists or scientists in the future would increase.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as art and music have no impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
country
Use synonyms
's growth. These
subjects
Use synonyms
 contribute neither
treating
Change preposition
to treating
show examples
 illnesses nor
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 a faster computer for efficient information processing, they are solely for entertainment purposes. The contribution
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
subjects
Use synonyms
 to the
country
Use synonyms
's progression has placed them a lower priority than
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
, which reduces the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 sponsorship.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are other
subjects
Use synonyms
 that can help
children
Use synonyms
 to
becoming
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 more competent in accelerating the
country
Use synonyms
's progress.
For example
Linking Words
, studying
language
Add an article
a language
show examples
 can help
children
Use synonyms
 to be better at conveying their thoughts, and learning English in non-English speaking countries is crucial in international communication.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 should not be focusing only on scientific theory, but learning how to explain their thought
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 to others is important as well. In conclusion, I think that while the
government
Use synonyms
 should allocate more funding to
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
, it should not be at the expense of
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as language or communication skills.
Submitted by ktchien104 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: