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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of secondary school students at a school in the UK taking different subjects in 1995 and this year.

The charts below show the percentage of secondary school students at a school in the UK taking different subjects in 1995 and this year.
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The table illustrates the amount of cultivated
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
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,
cabbage
Use synonyms
, and onions in five countries in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
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 and
cabbage
Use synonyms
 made up the biggest proportion in 2012,
while
Linking Words
 the production of Onion was the list among these vegetables. China was the leader in cultivating them
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that year. China produced 9214
Mt
Use synonyms
 of potatoes in 2012,
while
Linking Words
 the country in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
Linking Words
 place(Ireland) grew only
72Mt
Correct your spelling
72 Mt
. Brazil and Spain produced the least amount of potatoes, at 3 and 2Mt respectively. The Russians bring up 30
Mt
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 of potato. The Chinese produced 3187
Mt
Use synonyms
 of
cabbage
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 their Russian counterparts brought up roughly
210Mt
Correct your spelling
210 Mt
 less. The outcome of Spain was 10
tomes
Correct your spelling
times
show examples
 more than
Irish
Correct article usage
the Irish
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, at 200 and 20 respectively. Brazil was not involved in the production of
cabbage
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 at all. In terms of onion production, there were three major competitors in the market in 2012. The Chinese brought up 2602
Mt
Use synonyms
 of it,
whereas
Linking Words
 Russia and Brazil, at 2039 and
1417Mt
Correct your spelling
1417 Mt
 respectively. The Spanish did not cultivate onions in that year. Ireland's cultivation of onion made up 4
Mt
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cabbage, mt with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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