Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #children #activities #video #games

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

this

Linking Words

tech-savvy modern world,

children

Use synonyms

are addicted to video

games

Use synonyms

rather than outdoor exercises or playing sports. Some parents claim that physical

activities

Use synonyms

should be made mandatory for

children

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of video

games

Use synonyms

Although

Linking Words

some people do not agree with

this

Linking Words

, I completely support their viewpoint as physical

activities

Use synonyms

improve health and cognitive development. To commence with, one cannot deny that one of the ways to

maintian

Correct your spelling

maintain

fitness is by being active in outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

which will help

children

Use synonyms

to develop physique and stay healthy. To explain

further

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

who go to the gym

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

will have a good physique as they spend some

time

Use synonyms

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

to build

Change the verb form

building

show examples

musle

Correct your spelling

muscle

For instance

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

who participate in cardiovascular

execises

Correct your spelling

exercises

and weight

lifiting

Correct your spelling

lifting

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

tend to have

Add a hyphen

six-pack

show examples

six pack

Add a hyphen

six-pack

show examples

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

gym

Add an article

the gym

a gym

show examples

, youth who regularly play

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

intensive outdoor sports like soccer and cricket,

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are more fit as they run

everday

Correct your spelling

everyday

As a result

Linking Words

, they lead

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

life as

such

Linking Words

activities

Use synonyms

diminish stress and obesity .

Thus

Linking Words

, playing sports and exercising

regulary

Correct your spelling

regularly

leads to

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

life and build a great body physique.

Besides

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

above mentioned

Add a hyphen

above-mentioned

show examples

physical fitness,

Particpating

Correct your spelling

Participating

in outdoor events

Change preposition

at in

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

early age like yoga,

zumba

Change the capitalization

Zumba

show examples

dance, and

gymnatics

Correct your spelling

gymnastics

are improve brain functioning.

First

Linking Words

and foremost, In

children

Use synonyms

who often participate in meditation

develops

Correct subject-verb agreement

develop

show examples

a greater memory and

respone

Correct your spelling

response

time

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

is because meditation helps youth to organise their thoughts in

brain

Add an article

the brain

show examples

Change the article

show examples

appropiate

Correct your spelling

appropriate

way which

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

them to respond to

Add a hyphen

real-time

show examples

real

Add a hyphen

real-time

show examples

time

Use synonyms

situatios

Correct your spelling

situations

situation

faster than others.

Besides

Linking Words

response

time

Use synonyms

, exercises help them to refresh from their busy academic schedule which reduces depression

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and contributes to

achieve

Change the verb form

achieving

show examples

calm and peaceful life that improves

apptitude

Correct your spelling

aptitude

skills.

Finally

Linking Words

, to recapitulate, in

this

Linking Words

technology world

childeren

Correct your spelling

children

are inclined toward playing video

games

Use synonyms

and

Add a missing verb

have no

show examples

intrest

Correct your spelling

interest

in playing outdoor

games

Use synonyms

. In my opinion, I propose more physical

activities

Use synonyms

are required for youth to

imporve

Correct your spelling

improve

their physical and mental health for the aforementioned reasons.

Submitted by rana on Sun Jun 12 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
41
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

physical health
exercise and movement
social interaction
teamwork
communication skills
cognitive skills
problem-solving
strategic thinking
hand-eye coordination
holistic approach
environmental awareness
sedentary lifestyle
obesity
posture
balance

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
It is argued that nowadays there are more young adults than eldery people in some nations. This essay will argue that although there will be a growth in the country's economy, more people will be unemployed, this means that the advantages do not outweigh the drawbacks.
7.5
band
You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter describe the training course you want to do explain what the company could do to help you " say how the course will be useful for your job
I am writing to you to express my interest in proposing a training in Australia next month and to imagine how it might improve my skills.
7
band
In today's society, the media plays a significant role in shaping public opinion and influencing people's behavior. However, it also has its drawbacks. What problems can arise from the media's influence, and how can these issues be addressed?
In this modern world, media has an essential part in formulating public views about various life matters. This is a two-edged sword, in my opinion, since some social media influencers' actions might have a negative impact on society. This essay will elaborate on the problems resulting from that and suggest ways how to go about it effectively.
6.5
band
A friend of yours is thinking of going on a camping holiday for the first time this summer.He/She has ask for your advice. write a letter to your friednd.in your letter explain why you think your friend would enjoy a camping holiday describe some possible disadvantages say whether you whould like to go camping with your friend this summer
I know that you have decided to join the camping group to spend your summer vacation and you asked my opinion about that. You know that I went on a camping a couple of times and to be honest, I should say that it was really enjoyable. But don’t forget to check some points while choosing the group that you are going with. The one that I joined to had a really supportive and intimate leader. She was constantly checking everything to see if we were comfortable or not. Also, she was really sensitive about choosing the people who were joining the team as she believed that good accompanies can make a camping memory memorable or horrible, and I should admit that I totally agree with her. Everything was absolutely nice except not having a toilet which was kind of torturing for me. Also, I didn’t feel safe sleeping outside. Anyway, considering all these points, I am still interested in attending another camping as the negative points could not stop me from enjoying the moments I had there. S...
6.5
band
It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is often held that teachers, peers and the media have a significant influence on the life of children. While some people argue that these factors are predominant in shaping a child's future, others believe that parents impact their offspring in more critical ways. This essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter.

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In today's society, the media plays a significant role in shaping public opinion and influencing people's behavior. However, it also has its drawbacks. What problems can arise from the media's influence, and how can these issues be addressed?

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.